Global Markets Breathe Sigh of Relief as Senate CR Vote Averts Another Self-Inflicted Crisis
**The Global Sigh of Relief: Senate’s CR Vote Saves World from Another Self-Inflicted Crisis**
While the rest of the planet was busy dealing with actual problems—climate change, pandemics, wars, and the occasional coup d’état—the United States Senate this week performed its quarterly ritual of almost throwing the global economy into a wood chipper before heroically deciding not to. The continuing resolution (CR) vote, that peculiar American tradition of kicking budgetary cans down roads, passed with mere hours to spare before the federal government would have transformed from the world’s largest employer into the world’s most expensive closed museum.
International markets, which had been holding their collective breath like spectators watching a toddler play with a loaded revolver, exhaled in unison. The Nikkei rose. The FTSE sighed with relief. Even the ever-stoic Swiss franc managed a slight twitch upward, though whether from relief or barely contained amusement remains unclear.
From Beijing to Brussels, capital cities watched this manufactured melodrama unfold with the weary expression of parents observing their teenager threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue—again. “Oh, look,” remarked one EU official who requested anonymity because stating the obvious is apparently still controversial, “America’s having another existential crisis about whether to pay its bills. How… novel.”
The implications ripple outward like a stone dropped in a pond, if the stone were made of pure political theater and the pond were global economic stability. When the world’s largest economy toys with the idea of defaulting on its obligations—again—it creates what economists technically term “a real mess” for everyone else. Developing nations see their borrowing costs spike faster than a hedge fund manager’s blood pressure. International trade deals hang in limbo while everyone waits to see if Uncle Sam will remember his wallet this time.
Our allies, those fortunate souls who’ve hitched their economic wagons to this particular star, watched the proceedings with the practiced stoicism of someone who’s seen this sitcom before. The Japanese, who own roughly $1.1 trillion in U.S. debt, have become connoisseurs of American fiscal drama, rating this latest episode “predictable but suspenseful, with strong performances from the usual suspects.” The Chinese, holding an even larger slice of America’s IOU pie, maintained their diplomatic silence while almost certainly adding another entry to their growing file labeled “Why We’re Winning.”
The broader significance extends beyond mere money, touching the very nature of modern democracy’s apparent death wish. Here we witness the world’s most powerful nation engaged in an elaborate performance of what might be called “political autoerotic asphyxiation”—bringing itself to the brink of unconsciousness for the thrill of it, while the rest of the world stands by ready to administer CPR to the global economy.
Perhaps most darkly amusing is how this ritual has become as regular as clockwork, a sort of fiscal Groundhog Day where Punxsutawney Phil is replaced by Mitch McConnell, and the shadow being sought is that of fiscal responsibility. The CR vote passed, government stays open, and everyone pretends this is how mature democracies are supposed to function—like congratulating yourself for not driving into oncoming traffic on your daily commute.
As the dust settles and federal employees return to their offices—those who haven’t been downsized into the gig economy, anyway—the world continues its orbit with the resigned air of someone sharing a bank account with a compulsive gambler. We’ve been here before, and we’ll be here again, probably in a few months when this continuing resolution continues to its inevitable conclusion: another round of budgetary chicken, another countdown to catastrophe, another last-minute save that everyone will treat like a miracle instead of the bare minimum of competent governance.
Sleep well, planet Earth. Your designated driver just barely avoided driving into a ditch. Again.
