Crash Course in Global Capitalism: The Car Accident Lawyer as Diplomat, Debt-Collector, and Existential Witness Dispatch from the intersection of rubber, asphalt, and human folly – everywhere and nowhere at once. By the time you finish this sentence, roughly nine fender-benders will have blossomed across the planet like ugly metal flowers. In São Paulo, a…
Cincinnati Weather: A Global Parable in Fahrenheit Geneva—While the Security Council debates grain corridors and methane pledges, an equally decisive front is shaping up 4,200 miles away on the banks of the Ohio River. Cincinnati, population 309,000, is currently auditioning for the role of “Atlantis with Skyline Chili.” The city has spent the last month…
Hawaii News Now: Sunrise from the Edge of Empire By Our Man in the Lagoon, filed via coconut-scented sat-phone Somewhere between the ninth breaking-news push alert and the tenth advert for reef-safe sunscreen, the global viewer is reminded—via Hawaii News Now—that paradise is not immune to the algorithmic indigestion afflicting the rest of the planet….
Gege Akutami’s Next Manga: The Planet Holds Its Breath While Shōnen Jump’s C-suite Holds Its Wallet By Dave’s Locker International Desk When Shūeisha confirmed last night that Gege Akutami’s follow-up to *Jujutsu Kaisen* will debut “after a short break,” global markets reacted with the kind of cool rationality usually reserved for crypto booms or North…
PORTLAOISE, Ireland – While the rest of the planet argues over whose apocalypse is scheduled first—climate, debt, or the next smartphone update—three hundred men in pastel slacks have retreated to a sodden island to ritualistically chase a ball and pretend the 21st century isn’t happening. Welcome to the Irish Open, the European Tour’s annual reminder…
Phil Collins, the balding British everyman whose drumsticks once thundered across stadiums like low-yield artillery, has become an unlikely barometer of planetary decline. While the man himself now shuffles on titanium hips through a quiet life in Switzerland—tax-efficiently close to his Geneva vault—his back-catalogue has metastasised into a global lingua franca of resignation. From Manila…
Today’s Weather: A Global Forecast of Mild Panic, Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Existential Dread By Dave’s Locker International Bureau (a.k.a. one slightly jet-lagged correspondent with a dying phone battery) Good morning, afternoon, or whatever temporal fiction you’re clinging to in your corner of the planet. While you debate whether that suspicious cloud is…
Rory McIlroy: The Last Romantic in the Age of Sport-Washing By Our Man in the Rough DUBAI — While the rest of us are busy price-checking canned beans and wondering which hemisphere will ignite first this summer, Rory McIlroy is still out there trying to hit a tiny sphere into a slightly larger hole with…
Sun vs. Sky: A Global Cage Match Sponsored by Existential Dread Dave’s Locker, International Desk – 12 June 2024 Somewhere above the Malacca Strait, a container ship the length of a small principality steams east while its captain squints at the sun like a man trying to read the fine print on a doomsday contract….
The NFL schedule release used to be a quaint domestic ritual: a few million Americans arguing on sports-talk radio about whether the Patriots had been given too many prime-time slots. Now, thanks to the league’s tireless evangelism—and the unquenchable global appetite for anything loud enough to drown out the news—the 18-week fixture list is parsed…
Minimum Wage 2026: A Planet-Wide Race to the Bottom That Somehow Still Points Up By the time the Gregorian calendar flips to 2026, the phrase “minimum wage” will sound quaint—like “chivalry” or “fax machine.” Yet governments from Lagos to Ljubljana are busy pretending the concept still matters, announcing tidy round numbers that fit neatly into…
Martha’s Rule: When the World Learns to Listen—Sort Of By Dave’s Locker International Desk Geneva—Another week, another acronym. This time it’s “Martha’s Rule,” a protocol named after a 13-year-old London schoolgirl who died of sepsis in 2021 because nobody in the hospital bothered to ask the patient—or her parents—what they thought. In simpler terms, the…
