Maryland’s Little Gamble: How a Mid-Atlantic Scratch-Off Became a Mirror for the Planet’s Desperate Daydreams By Diego “House Always Wins” Morales, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker BALTIMORE—On the surface, the Maryland Lottery looks like any other state-run numbers racket: garishly colored tickets, an app that pings like a needy ex, and billboards promising that someone, somewhere,…
Victoria: A Name That Conquered the World and Still Won’t Pick Up the Check By Our Jaded Foreign Correspondent Somewhere between Duty-Free and Disillusionment There are, at last count, roughly 1.3 million Victorias on LinkedIn alone—enough to fill a medium-sized authoritarian parade and still have a queue outside the bar. From the diamond mines of…
Dispatches from the Midfield of Geopolitics: Lia Wälti, Switzerland’s Accidental Diplomat By Dave’s Locker International Desk Geneva, Switzerland –– Somewhere between the UN’s Palais des Nations and the Wef football stadium in Bern, Lia Wälti has spent the last decade proving that being a defensive midfielder can be more effective than most multilateral summits. While…
Global Product Recall: A World United in Mild Panic and Mildew By A. Cynic, Senior Correspondent, Somewhere Over International Waters GENEVA—This week’s planet-wide recall of the “ForeverFresh” smart refrigerator—marketed as the appliance that would “outlive your grandchildren” but instead appears to be trying to out-mold them—has achieved what decades of climate conferences and UN poetry…
September 3, 2024 Dispatches from the Puzzle Desk By A. Corvo, Senior Correspondent-at-Large PARIS—While half the planet was busy arguing whether the latest BRICS summit would finally topple the dollar (spoiler: it won’t, the greenback is like a cockroach with a Black Card), the rest of humanity did what it always does when existential dread…
FLOOD WARNING: A WORLDWIDE INVITATION TO DON’T PANIC (TOO MUCH) By the time you finish this sentence, somewhere between Venice and Vientiane, a municipal loudspeaker will blare the same cheery lie: “This is only a drill.” Translation: the river has broken up with its banks and is now speed-dating entire neighborhoods. From Bangladesh’s Brahmaputra to…
Victoria Station: The World’s Most Overqualified Waiting Room By Our London Correspondent, nursing a tepid flat white and existential dread London, UK – Somewhere beneath the ornamental pigeons and the low, grey sky that passes for weather here, Victoria Station yawns open like a bored Leviathan. Every minute, 2,000 fresh pilgrims—armed with wheelie bags, misplaced…
The Ballad of Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink: A Post-Colonial Dutchman Kicks His Way Through the End of History By Dave’s Locker International Desk Rotterdam – It is tempting to treat Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink as a mere footnote in the great PowerPoint presentation of modern football: a 90s-vintage striker with a howitzer right boot and a surname…
Paris Jackson, Heir of the Moonwalk, Walks a Tightrope of Global Expectation By Our Correspondent, Somewhere between Neverland and the Gare du Nord Paris Jackson—yes, that Paris, the one whose godmother is Elizabeth Taylor and whose bedtime lullabies were apparently Grammy-winning—turned 26 in April. While most quarter-lifers are busy Googling “how to fold a fitted…
Live Nation: The Global Octopus That Sells You the Same Arena Show Five Continents in a Row By Our Correspondent, Currently Hiding in the Merch Line In the beginning, there were bands, audiences, and the occasional fire-code violation. Now there is Live Nation Entertainment, the world’s largest live-music conglomerate, a corporate life-form so sprawling that…
Achieve: A Global Tour of the Impossible Dream, Now 30 % Off By Our Correspondent, Somewhere between Terminal 3 and Existential Dread “Achieve,” the travel brochure promises, is a quaint village reachable by anyone with grit, Wi-Fi, and a premium LinkedIn subscription. In reality it’s more of a floating island—today moored off the coast of…
The Curious Case of Diana Vickers: How a British Pop Runner-Up Became the Accidental Barometer of Global Chaos By Eduardo Valdez, International Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Somewhere between the fall of Kabul and the rise of AI-generated boy bands, Diana Vickers—yes, the barefoot X-Factor finalist with the voice like a haunted teacup—slipped back into the planetary…
