Author: Daveslocker

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    md lottery

    Maryland’s Little Gamble: How a Mid-Atlantic Scratch-Off Became a Mirror for the Planet’s Desperate Daydreams By Diego “House Always Wins” Morales, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker BALTIMORE—On the surface, the Maryland Lottery looks like any other state-run numbers racket: garishly colored tickets, an app that pings like a needy ex, and billboards promising that someone, somewhere,…

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    victoria

    Victoria: A Name That Conquered the World and Still Won’t Pick Up the Check By Our Jaded Foreign Correspondent Somewhere between Duty-Free and Disillusionment There are, at last count, roughly 1.3 million Victorias on LinkedIn alone—enough to fill a medium-sized authoritarian parade and still have a queue outside the bar. From the diamond mines of…

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    lia walti

    Dispatches from the Midfield of Geopolitics: Lia Wälti, Switzerland’s Accidental Diplomat By Dave’s Locker International Desk Geneva, Switzerland –– Somewhere between the UN’s Palais des Nations and the Wef football stadium in Bern, Lia Wälti has spent the last decade proving that being a defensive midfielder can be more effective than most multilateral summits. While…

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    product recall

    Global Product Recall: A World United in Mild Panic and Mildew By A. Cynic, Senior Correspondent, Somewhere Over International Waters GENEVA—This week’s planet-wide recall of the “ForeverFresh” smart refrigerator—marketed as the appliance that would “outlive your grandchildren” but instead appears to be trying to out-mold them—has achieved what decades of climate conferences and UN poetry…

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    flood warning

    FLOOD WARNING: A WORLDWIDE INVITATION TO DON’T PANIC (TOO MUCH) By the time you finish this sentence, somewhere between Venice and Vientiane, a municipal loudspeaker will blare the same cheery lie: “This is only a drill.” Translation: the river has broken up with its banks and is now speed-dating entire neighborhoods. From Bangladesh’s Brahmaputra to…

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    victoria station

    Victoria Station: The World’s Most Overqualified Waiting Room By Our London Correspondent, nursing a tepid flat white and existential dread London, UK – Somewhere beneath the ornamental pigeons and the low, grey sky that passes for weather here, Victoria Station yawns open like a bored Leviathan. Every minute, 2,000 fresh pilgrims—armed with wheelie bags, misplaced…

  • paris jackson

    Paris Jackson, Heir of the Moonwalk, Walks a Tightrope of Global Expectation By Our Correspondent, Somewhere between Neverland and the Gare du Nord Paris Jackson—yes, that Paris, the one whose godmother is Elizabeth Taylor and whose bedtime lullabies were apparently Grammy-winning—turned 26 in April. While most quarter-lifers are busy Googling “how to fold a fitted…

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    live nation

    Live Nation: The Global Octopus That Sells You the Same Arena Show Five Continents in a Row By Our Correspondent, Currently Hiding in the Merch Line In the beginning, there were bands, audiences, and the occasional fire-code violation. Now there is Live Nation Entertainment, the world’s largest live-music conglomerate, a corporate life-form so sprawling that…

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    achieve

    Achieve: A Global Tour of the Impossible Dream, Now 30 % Off By Our Correspondent, Somewhere between Terminal 3 and Existential Dread “Achieve,” the travel brochure promises, is a quaint village reachable by anyone with grit, Wi-Fi, and a premium LinkedIn subscription. In reality it’s more of a floating island—today moored off the coast of…

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    diana vickers

    The Curious Case of Diana Vickers: How a British Pop Runner-Up Became the Accidental Barometer of Global Chaos By Eduardo Valdez, International Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Somewhere between the fall of Kabul and the rise of AI-generated boy bands, Diana Vickers—yes, the barefoot X-Factor finalist with the voice like a haunted teacup—slipped back into the planetary…