**The Ballad of Paulinho: A Global Odyssey of Mediocrity and Miracles** In the grand casino of international football, where Brazilian wonderkids are dealt like cryptocurrency and middle-aged sheiks throw money around with the abandon of a drunken sailor in a Macau casino, our protagonist Paulinho occupies a peculiar niche. He’s less a footballer, more a…
The Fall of a Bad Boy: How Diddy’s Implosion Became the World’s Favorite Cautionary Opera By our correspondent in the departures lounge of moral relativism The man once introduced on MTV Asia as “the ambassador of the American dream” is now the poster child for why the dream ships with a legal disclaimer. From Lagos…
The Geopolitics of Contouring: How Kim Kardashian Became a One-Woman Soft-Power Program By Our Correspondent, Somewhere Over the Atlantic If the Cold War was fought with missiles and manifestos, the current era is being waged with lip kits and 4K contour tutorials. Somewhere between the fall of the Berlin Wall and the rise of TikTok,…
Dodgers 5, Diamondbacks 4: A Box Score for the End of the World By the time Mookie Betts flicked a 97-mph sinker into the right-field pavilion, Tokyo was already asleep, Lagos was debating fuel prices, and a Berlin bartender was pouring last-call beers while half-watching the MLB.TV feed. In the grand scheme—famine, war, the slow-motion…
Roki Sasaki’s 19-strikeout perfect game—hurled last April for the Chiba Lotte Marines against the Orix Buffaloes—arrived just as the planet was debating whether World War III should be scheduled before or after the next climate summit. In that context, a 20-year-old Japanese kid painting the outside corner at 101 mph felt almost quaint, like watching…
Springfield Cardinals: A Minor-League Club with Major-League Geopolitical Baggage By Our Man in the Balkans, nursing a lukewarm Budweiser and a warmer grudge against hope The world’s attention this week is, predictably, elsewhere. In Geneva, diplomats argue over the exact shade of beige that will describe the next non-binding cease-fire. In the South China Sea,…
SUKI WATERHOUSE AND THE GLOBAL SOFT-POWER SYNDROME A Dispatch from the Frontlines of Manufactured Relevance Dateline: Everywhere Wi-Fi reaches and self-regard outruns bandwidth In 2024, the phrase “international incident” no longer requires embassies, trade tariffs, or even a stray missile. All it takes is a British model-actress-singer-entrepreneur-candle-magnate named Suki Waterhouse posting a grainy Polaroid of…
Club América: How a Mexican Football Club Became a Mirror for the World’s Class Wars By Eduardo “Eddie” Valdés, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Mexico City—If the planet ever needs a crash course in late-stage capitalism, it could do worse than to spend ninety minutes at Estadio Azteca on a Sunday night. There, amid the sulfur-yellow…
PARIS – Somewhere between the charred remains of the 24-hour news cycle and the latest cease-fire that isn’t, the world briefly paused to ask a question of truly planetary consequence: who, exactly, just seized the Head of Household key on Big Brother? For the uninitiated—blessed souls who still use their evenings to read books or…
Somewhere between the Baltic’s rusting shipyards and a Manila karaoke bar at 3:17 a.m., the term “seawolf” has mutated from nautical folklore into a corporate euphemism for the modern privateer. These are not the cuddly, whiskered cousins of the otter you’re picturing. Picture instead a floating LinkedIn profile with a flag of convenience, a shell…
Durham, North Carolina – In the grand, slow-motion car-crash we politely call “global politics,” it is often the quiet governors of mid-sized U.S. states who remind the rest of the planet how truly provincial the world’s super-power can be. Enter Roy Cooper: a man whose name sounds like an Oxfordshire estate agent but who, since…
Vince’s “Big Brother Girlfriend”: A Global Parable of Surveillance, Lust, and the End of Privacy By Diego Valdez, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker In the grand, gilded cage we politely call Earth, nothing travels faster than a salacious rumor—except, perhaps, a government subpoena. So when a grainy screenshot of Vince (surname still embargoed by three jurisdictions…
