Chris McCausland: The Blind Comedian Teaching the World to See Its Own Absurdity By Correspondent-at-Large, Dave’s Locker Global Desk LONDON—Somewhere between the Brexit hangover, the climate meltdown, and the latest AI-generated pop star, a middle-aged Scouser with a white cane has become the most reliable export Britain has managed in years. Chris McCausland, 47, professional…
In the grand, ceaseless carnival of American college football—an enterprise that combines the pageantry of medieval jousting with the merchandising genius of Disney—tonight’s modest sideshow features Tulane versus Ole Miss. To the uninitiated, this may appear to be a regional skirmish over bragging rights and a bronze boot called the “Magnolia Bowl,” a trophy whose…
Jessie J and the Global Pop Machine: One Woman’s Quest to Remind Us We’re All Just Idiots with Headphones By Dave’s Locker International Bureau PARIS—If you squint past the Eiffel Tower’s nightly seizure-inducing strobe show, you’ll notice a faint, familiar wail drifting from the cafés along Rue de la Paix: “I’m feeeeelin’ sexy and freeeeee.”…
UNC vs UCF: A Microscopic Lens on the Macroscopic Collapse of Western Soft Power By Our Man in the Departure Lounge, Somewhere Over the Atlantic On the surface, Saturday’s gridiron tussle between the University of North Carolina (motto: “Lux libertas,” roughly “Debt and daylight”) and the University of Central Florida (motto: “Reach for the stars—then…
Kent State vs Florida State: When a March Madness Play-In Becomes a Geopolitical Microcosm By the time the final buzzer sounded in Dayton, Ohio, the planet had already spun 1,670 kilometers eastward and several million tweets had reduced the game to a five-second GIF. Yet for those of us watching from time zones where “March…
SYDNEY—In the age of algorithmic pop stars and CEOs who moonlight as rocket-ship salesmen, the planet still finds itself briefly stunned by a 26-year-old from Utah who can do a cartwheel into a back-flip into a perfectly timed body roll and make it look like geopolitical commentary. Alexis Warr, newly crowned champion of Australia’s “So…
Valencia vs Athletic Club: A Mediterranean Morality Tale Beamed to a Planet That’s Already Bored By our Special Correspondent in Existential Section J-7 Mestalla Stadium, Valencia—Thursday, 02:15 GMT+1. Somewhere between the paella pans and the palm-lined promenades, 22 millionaires in polyester are about to chase an inflatable sphere while the rest of humanity doom-scrolls its…
Udinese–Milan: A Provincial Derby in the Age of Global Collateral DÜSSELDORF — In a saner universe, a mid-table Serie A fixture on a damp Thursday night would register somewhere between the price of turnips in Tashkent and the new season of whatever Netflix has green-lit to pacify the algorithm. Yet here we are, live-blogging Udinese…
Valencia C. F. vs Athletic: A Cosmic Barometer for Civilization’s Slow-Motion Collapse By Dave’s far-flung correspondent, filing from a café whose Wi-Fi password is “apocalypse2024” On the surface, the Sunday night collision between Valencia C. F. and Athletic Club at Mestalla is merely another La Liga fixture—ninety minutes of choreographed panic, questionable haircuts, and VAR-induced…
From the banks of the Willamette to the war rooms of Davos, the planet pauses this weekend for a proxy battle that, on paper, is merely a college football game between Oregon State and the University of Oregon. In practice, it is a perfect Petri dish for every neurosis the 21st century has on offer:…
The Curious Case of Thomas Skinner: How One Man’s Name Became the World’s Most Portable Punchline Dave’s Locker – International Edition It started, as most global fiascos do, with a typo. Somewhere in the teeming server farms of an Asian supply-chain giant, a purchase-order algorithm swapped “THOMAS SKINNER” for “THOMAS SKINNER™.” Overnight, the phrase metastasized…
The Curious Case of Chris Robshaw: How a Nice Boy from Redhill Accidentally Became the World’s Most Polite Symbol of Imperial Decline By our Man in the Cheap Seats If you try to explain Chris Robshaw to a taxi driver in Lagos, a barista in Bogotá, or a goat herder in the Pamir Mountains, you’ll…
