While the rest of the planet tries to remember whether it’s still Tuesday or already Thursday thanks to the latest geopolitical time-zone shuffle, the Philadelphia Eagles have quietly decided that the fate of the free world can wait—Jalen Carter just inked a four-year, $84 million extension with $63 million guaranteed. Somewhere in Davos, a hedge-fund…
It takes a certain cosmic perversity to become a global headline while standing in a half-empty stadium in Dortmund, but Ollie Watkins managed it at the precise moment most of humanity was doom-scrolling about melting ice caps or which billionaire had purchased which democracy. One swivelled right boot, one net bulge, and the Aston Villa…
England FC: A Tragicomic Opera Staged for the Planet’s Edification By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, somewhere over the Atlantic If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when an entire nation decides to confuse football with group therapy, tune in to England FC every other summer. The spectacle is broadcast to 195 countries—roughly…
The Curious Case of Josh Giddey: When an Australian Kid Becomes a Geopolitical Basketball Somewhere between a flat white in Melbourne and a triple-shot cortado in Madrid, the NBA’s latest diplomatic incident dribbled into view. Josh Giddey—6-foot-8, passport stamped “Oz,” haircut suggesting he still cuts his own fringe—has become the league’s most improbable piece of…
World Cup Qualifiers Europe: Where National Hopes Go to Die (and Occasionally Resurrect) The biennial continental bloodletting known as the UEFA World Cup qualifiers is back, and with it the reassuring spectacle of 55 nations pretending their geopolitical relevance hinges on 22 men chasing a ball. From Reykjavik to Tbilisi, passports are brandished like swords…
Edinburgh, Tuesday night, and a chill wind sweeps across Tynecastle Park carrying the faint smell of North Sea regret and deep-fried existential dread. On the pitch, Scotland’s Under-21s—an optimistic contradiction in terms—are doing their level best to convince 16,000 rain-soaked souls that the future is bright, or at least brighter than the present. Across the…
Dan Orlovsky and the Mirage of American Exceptionalism By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Geneva Bureau GENEVA—In a world where Belarusian sprinters defect during live Olympics and French pension reform is decided by tear-gas referendum, the name Dan Orlovsky might seem as globally urgent as the Liechtenstein water polo standings. Yet the former Detroit…
San Francisco 49ers Dispatch from the Edge of the World By our man in the cheap seats, somewhere between the 38th parallel and the 49th roster cut Word out of Santa Clara is that the 49ers have decided what every global empire eventually decides: let’s get younger, cheaper, and hope nobody notices the drop-off in…
If you tilt the globe toward West Africa and squint past the usual headlines of pipeline fires and missing oil revenues, you can almost make out a green-and-white blur sprinting down the touchline. That blur is Nigeria FC—not a formal club, mind you, but the national football team rebranded by the internet into a sort…
Domenico Tedesco and the Beautiful, Broken Game: A Dispatch from the Edge of Europa We meet Mr. Tedesco in the only place that still makes sense—mid-table, mid-crisis, mid-pandemic hangover—where the Belgian national team has just handed him the keys to what optimists call a “golden generation” and pessimists call “eleven millionaires in matching deodorant adverts.”…
Cape Verde vs. Cameroon: A Tiny Archipelago Punches Up, a Continental Heavyweight Stumbles, and the World Watches with Popcorn By the time the final whistle blew in Yaoundé, the scoreboard said 1-1, but the ledger of global meaning told a more entertaining story: David had just bloodied Goliath’s nose with a borrowed sling, and Goliath—never…
Estonia vs Andorra: Two Tiny Nations, One Giant Mirror to the World’s Midlife Crisis Tallinn and Andorra la Vella sit 2,600 kilometers apart, but in the grand geopolitical waiting room they might as well be sharing the same cracked vinyl couch. One is a post-Soviet start-up that discovered capitalism the way a teenager discovers espresso—wide-eyed,…
