Jenna Ortega and the Global Afterlife of Wednesday Addams By a Correspondent Who Once Interviewed a Somali Pirate About Streaming Royalties Somewhere between the first TikTok dance craze and the fourteenth UN Security Council briefing on cultural imperialism, Jenna Ortega became the inadvertent face of planetary adolescence. The 20-year-old actress—born in California to Mexican-Puerto Rican…
Did MrBeast Buy the NFL? A Dispatch from the End of Civilization, Probably By the time the rumor ping-ponged its way across five continents, the question had already mutated into a dozen languages: “¿MrBeast compró la NFL?”, “MrBeast hat die NFL gekauft?”, “ミスター・ビーストがNFLを買収したってマジ？” The short answer, delivered with the same enthusiasm a coroner uses to…
Bangkok, Thailand – In a move that has simultaneously thrilled gamers and sent cultural attachés scrambling for Wikipedia, Behaviour Interactive has announced that the next killer in Dead by Daylight will be the Krasue, Southeast Asia’s favorite floating vampiric head-and-entrails combo. Because nothing says “cross-cultural fun” like monetizing a region’s collective nightmare since the 14th…
Sheridan Smith and the Global Anxiety Supply Chain By Dave’s Locker Foreign Correspondent-at-Large Somewhere between a UN climate summit and a TikTok livestream of a cat wearing a tiny tuxedo, the planet found itself briefly transfixed by the latest “Sheridan Smith drama.” For readers who have spent the past decade in a cave—presumably a more…
Where to Buy Powerball Tickets: A Globe-Trotting Guide to the World’s Most Expensive Daydream By Dave’s Foreign Correspondent, Still Jet-Lagged and Morally Ambiguous NEW YORK – If you’ve glanced at the headlines lately, you’ll know the Powerball jackpot has swollen to a sum that would make a small nation blush—roughly the GDP of Iceland, minus…
Patrick Gibson: The Actor Who Accidentally Became a Geopolitical Barometer Dave’s Locker – Global Bureau, 12 June 2024 PARIS—In the grand carnival of 21st-century fame, where TikTok dentists become foreign-policy advisors and crypto bros lecture the G-20 on monetary policy, the case of Patrick Gibson is refreshingly modest. The 28-year-old Irish actor did not invent…
Dwayne “The Smashing Machine” Johnson: When a Hollywood Titan Picks Up a Hammer, the World Listens By the time the first grainy TikTok clip surfaced—Dwayne Johnson, all 260 pounds of him, demolishing a cinder-block wall with a single, oddly elegant swing—global markets had already priced in the tremor. Tokyo’s Nikkei dipped 0.4% on “construction-volatility fears.”…
Radiohead’s 2025 World Tour: A Post-Apocalyptic Pilgrimage for the Disillusioned Masses By Lucía “Lucky” Valenti, International Cynic-at-Large, currently marooned in an airport lounge that smells of wet carpet and broken dreams. LONDON—In a move that simultaneously reassures and terrifies the planet, Radiohead have announced their first full world tour since 2018, a 33-date slog across…
The Curious Case of Sophie Turner, or How the North Remembers the Global Soap Opera By the time the news alerts pinged from Reykjavík to Rabat, Sophie Turner—once best known for looking stoically miserable in a fur cloak—had already become a trans-Atlantic custody piñata. A routine divorce filing in Miami-Dade County ricocheted across time zones,…
TinyTan and the Global Shrinking of Attention Spans By Our Correspondent, Still Recovering from a 7-Second Reel of Existential Dread SEOUL—Somewhere between the DMZ and the nearest duty-free Bulgogi stand, seven pastel figurines the height of a credit card have become the most efficient diplomats South Korea never hired. TinyTan—BTS reimagined as chibi mercenaries—now storm…
Marvel Rivals: When Super-Powers Collide in the Shadow of Real-World Chaos By Our Man in the Multiverse In the grand tradition of pitting gods against each other for our mild amusement, Marvel Entertainment has once again invited the planet to watch its costumed demigods punch each other through digital skyscrapers. Marvel Rivals—the freshly announced 6-v-6…
