Morrissey Takes His Misery on a World Tour: Global Gloom, Local Whining It’s official: the Pope of Mope has mapped his 2024 pilgrimage of pain. Steven Patrick Morrissey—still clinging to that single surname like a life raft of relevance—has announced a fresh itinerary that will drag his baritone lament from Mexico City to Manila, with…
Reds Score: A Global Fever Chart in 90 Minutes or Less Dave’s Locker – International Desk LONDON—Somewhere between a Moscow metro platform and a Lagos betting kiosk, the phrase “reds score” has become the Rorschach test of 2024. Ask a Glaswegian and he’ll swear you’re talking about Liverpool’s latest act of cardiac football; mention it…
Geneva, Switzerland — Somewhere between the World Health Organization’s daily existential crisis briefings and the International Telecommunication Union’s newest guidelines on acceptable video-call shirtlessness, a peculiar American export has quietly colonized the planet’s collective delirium: Tim Heidecker. To the uninitiated, he’s a comedian. To the rest of us—sipping overpriced lattes in global capitals while doom-scrolling…
The Slovenian Export No Customs Form Could Ever Contain Luka Dončić is what happens when a small Alpine country, previously famous for ski jumps and being the birthplace of Melania Trump, decides to weaponize irony. At twenty-five, the man has already turned the Dallas Mavericks into a Balkan outpost and the NBA’s marketing department into…
Travis Scott: The Global Pied Piper of Retail Therapy By: Our Man in the Duty-Free Lounge Astroworld isn’t just a theme park Travis bulldozed back to life in his own image—it’s now the operating system for a planet that can’t decide if it wants to rage or just return the sneakers. From Lagos to Ljubljana,…
Gary Oldman’s Slow Horses: A Delightfully Dysfunctional Mirror for a World That Forgot How to Gallop By Eduardo “Eddy” Valdez, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker There’s a moment in the third season of “Slow Horses” when Jackson Lamb—Gary Oldman’s flatulent, trench-coated monument to institutional neglect—lights a cigarette inside a supposedly secure MI5 safe house and growls,…
Anthony Boyle: The Belfast Ghost Who Haunts Every Screen on Earth By Our Man in the Last Row of Economy Class If you’ve flown long-haul recently and accidentally pressed “play” on the in-flight entertainment menu, you’ve met Anthony Boyle. There he is, a pale, red-haired specter in 4K, whispering Shakespearean menace in *Danny Boy*, then…
Rage Goes Global: How a Low-Budget British Zombie Flick Forecasted the Present Apocalypse When Danny Boyle’s “28 Days Later” limped onto UK screens back in 2002, most of the planet was busy stockpiling duct tape for the looming Iraq war and arguing over whether Nokia or Motorola made the sturdier brick-phone. Few noticed that a…
Dion Dublin: The Accidental Prophet of Our Absurd Global Village By Correspondent-at-Large, Dave’s Locker Global Desk From the vantage point of a damp Tuesday in Kyiv, where the neon of shuttered nightclubs now spells out air-raid warnings, it feels almost indecent to speak of football and game-show jingles. Yet here we are, because somewhere in…
The Eden Project: Cornwall’s Climate-Themed Theme Park for the Apocalypse-Adjacent CORNWALL—Here, in the soggy belly-button of England, two colossal geodesic zits rise from an exhausted china-clay pit like alien testicles grafted onto the green corpse of the countryside. Locals call them “biomes”; cynics call them “terrariums for the soon-to-be-extinct.” Officially, this is the Eden Project—part…
The Humble Kneecap: A Cartilaginous UN Security Council By Santiago Vargas, Senior Cynic-at-Large Dateline: Geneva, 03:14 a.m.—because nothing good ever happens in the small hours, unless you count clandestine organ sales or the latest IMF bailout package. I’m staring at an X-ray pinned to a trauma ward lightbox: a perfectly exploded patella, courtesy of a…
Rockstar Finally Delivers the Apocalypse Everyone Ordered: GTA VI Locked and Loaded for 2025 By Marcello Verdigris, International Correspondent-at-Large Somewhere between a collapsing Antarctic ice shelf and the latest Central Bank interest-rate panic, humanity received the one piece of news guaranteed to unite us all: Grand Theft Auto VI will officially land in 2025. Rockstar…
