Costco Recalls: How a Plastic Chicken Tray Took Down the Global Village By the Bureau Chief of “Things That Shouldn’t Travel” Let us begin with the humble rotisserie chicken—an $4.99 beacon of late-capitalist hope that has migrated from the fluorescent suburbs of Seattle to the bootleg parking lots of Mexico City, the glassy atriums of…
From the Pyrenees to the Pacific: How the Word “Espanyol” Became a Global Rorschach Test BARCELONA—Last week, in a fluorescent-lit classroom in Seoul, a teenager practiced rolling the Spanish “r” in the word “espanyol,” blissfully unaware that 10,000 kilometers away a Catalan separatist was spitting it out like cheap vermouth. Meanwhile, on a Reddit thread…
Coastal Flood Warning: The World’s New Déjà Vu DATELINE—Somewhere a few centimeters above sea level—The alert, once reserved for low-lying atolls and the more melodramatic stretches of the Netherlands, is now being issued from Lagos to Los Angeles, from Mumbai to Miami, and—because misery loves company—from Venice to Vanuatu. Coastal flood warnings, once the meteorological…
Pastor Frederick Haynes III has spent three decades turning Dallas’s Friendship-West Baptist Church into a pulpit that moonlights as a geopolitical weather station. From there he tracks storms that most American preachers prefer to ignore: Gaza rubble, Haitian debt, South African shack settlements, and the curious habit of U.S. tax dollars to fertilize foreign dictatorships…
**When Americana Punches Back: The Zach Bryan–Gavin Adcock Dust-Up as a Global Parable** NASHVILLE—While the rest of the planet worried about melting ice caps, rogue A.I. and whether the yuan will finally dethrone the dollar, two corn-fed boys from the Bible Belt decided the most pressing geopolitical question was who spilled whose beer on the…
Steelers Quarterback: The Oval-Office of a Rust-Belt Kingdom By our man in the cheap seats, watching civilizations rise and fall between hot-dog commercials Pittsburgh—population smaller than a Beijing subway car at rush hour—has again entrusted its collective serotonin levels to a 24-year-old from Oklahoma who still calls shopping malls “downtown.” Meet Russell Wilson 2.0, or…
Lisa Aguilar and the Quiet Global Coup in Your Pocket By [REDACTED], Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker LISBON—On paper, Lisa Aguilar is a 33-year-old data ethicist from Hermosillo who now lives in a drafty flat overlooking the Tagus. On the ledger books of three sovereign-wealth funds, four intelligence agencies, and an offshore foundation whose name changes…
Cardinals Score: How a Red-Bird Box Score Became a Global Rorschach Test By L. Vespertine | International Desk, Dave’s Locker MINSK—Somewhere between the third vodka toast and the fourth lament about the price of microchips, a Belarusian state-TV anchor paused to announce, “The Cardinals scored seven.” The entire bar froze. Was it the Vatican’s scarlet…
From the vantage point of a crumbling press box in Sarajevo—where the coffee is thick enough to refinish parquet and the Wi-Fi password is still “NATO99″—the name Bryce Young lands with the soft thud of another American folk-hero origin story. Halfway around the world, the 2021 Heisman Trophy winner has been reduced to a scrolling…
Blake Corum: How a 5’8″ Kid from Marshall Became a Geopolitical Talking Point In the grand scheme of things—and trust me, the scheme is grander than any of us signed up for—Blake Corum is a college running back. That’s the headline. The sub-headline, visible only to those who read the fine print of modern civilization,…
Malik Washington: The Name That Broke the Internet’s Language Barrier If you’ve scrolled past a video of a man in a neon dashiki explaining macro-economics to a goat, congratulations—you’ve met the planet’s newest lingua franca, Malik Washington. In seven days the 27-year-old Senegalese-American polymath has become the first human to trend simultaneously on Weibo, X,…
Kavontae Turpin: The 5’7″ American Glitch in the NFL’s Global Matrix By Dave’s International Affairs & Existential Futility Desk When Kavontae Turpin, a man roughly the size of an airport sushi roll, returned a punt 78 yards for a touchdown against the Giants last season, the play ricocheted across continents like a rogue satellite signal….
