The Curious Case of D.J. Moore: How a 190-Pound American Gladiator Quietly Became the Canary in Globalization’s Coal Mine By Matteo “Macabre” Moretti, International Correspondent, Dave’s Locker From the air-conditioned war rooms of NFL analytics departments to the sweat-soaked living rooms of Lagos, Nigeria—where Monday-morning quarterbacks stream games off sketchy websites—D.J. Moore has become an…
Beneath the Florida sun—an angry red disc that might as well be the planet’s fever blister—forty-three cars are currently circling the Daytona International Speedway like metallic hornets in a jar. The NASCAR race today is, on the surface, a purely American ritual: high-octane tribal drums, corporate logos flapping like medieval heraldry, and enough burning rubber…
The Accidental Ambassadorship of Emmet Sheehan, or How a Baseball Arm Became a Geopolitical Curveball By L. Marlowe, International Correspondent, somewhere between Narita and Logan TOKYO—When Emmet Sheehan’s 95-mph fastball whistled past Yuki Yanagita in the sixth inning of a sleepy June interleague game, it did more than freeze a cleanup hitter. It froze, very…
The World According to Miles Sanders A dispatch from the global bureau of running backs, currency fluctuations, and existential dread. By the time Miles Sanders ripped off a 42-yard touchdown against the Bears last season, the yen had already slipped to a 34-year low and a container of kimbap in Seoul cost more than a…
The Minnesota Lynx—officially the “MN Lynx” to anyone who’s ever tried to cram a Midwestern tongue-twister into a 280-character tweet—have, for reasons no algorithm can fully explain, become a minor Rorschach test for the rest of the planet. On paper they’re merely a WNBA franchise that plays in a city so cold its airport sells…
The Eternal Oval: NASCAR’s Global Relevance in an Age of Electric Regret By Dave’s Foreign Correspondent-at-Large, still jet-lagged in Charlotte CHARLOTTE—Somewhere between the smell of burnt ethanol and the distant hum of a C-130 practicing touch-and-go at the nearby Air National Guard base, it dawned on me that NASCAR is either the last honest religion…
A Shot Heard from Dallas to Djibouti: How JFK’s Exit Became the World’s Favorite Morality Play The global village didn’t wait for fiber-optic cable to synchronize its gasp. On 22 November 1963, the news moved at the speed of short-wave radio, ticker tape, and whispered rumor, and every capital—whether sipping post-prandial grappa in Rome or…
From the Roman Forum to the Champs-Élysées, humanity has always enjoyed a good dynastic soap opera. Enter John F. Kennedy Jr.—or, as the international press politely nicknamed him while he was alive, “America’s most famous magazine publisher with the world’s worst flight instructor.” Dead for a quarter-century, he remains the Zelig of global conspiracy culture,…
Dennis Allen, the man who currently occupies the New Orleans Saints’ head-coaching throne, is—depending on the week—either a misunderstood defensive savant or the latest sacrificial middle-manager in a league that devours them faster than a Bangkok street vendor devours profit margins. To the global observer, Allen’s journey from Alameda County’s gridiron gutters to the air-conditioned…
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Swims the English Channel of Global Paranoia—And We’re All in the Same Boat by “The Continental Curmudgeon,” London Bureau Chief PARIS—From the banks of the Seine to the back alleys of Jakarta, the mere mention of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. now evokes the same diplomatic shrug you give a flatulent uncle…
The Curious Case of Luther Burden III: How a 19-Year-Old from East St. Louis Accidentally Became a Geopolitical Pawn By the time Luther Burden III stiff-armed his way into the end zone against Kansas State last November, grain futures in Kyiv ticked upward 0.3 percent. Not because the sophomore wide receiver has any known sway…
PARIS—Somewhere between the Seine’s grey ripple and the seventh espresso of the afternoon, word reached the international press corps that Brian Schottenheimer—yes, that Schottenheimer, scion of football’s most reliable family tragedy—has been handed the keys to the Dallas Cowboys’ offense. The planet, distracted by minor irritants such as record heat in Delhi and the slow-motion…
