The Curious Case of Brock Bowers: How a 20-Year-Old Tight End Became a Geopolitical Football By the time Brock Bowers caught his 13th touchdown pass last season, the Dow had dipped 400 points, the yen was flirting with 34-year lows, and three European energy ministers were quietly Googling “how to block American college sports highlights…
Charlie Kirk and the Great American Export: Turning Grievance into a Growth Industry by Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk If you’ve been anywhere near a Wi-Fi connection on five continents lately, you’ve probably seen the haircut: the same side-parted, Lego-polished coif that looks as if it was ordered in bulk from a factory in Guangzhou labeled…
Interstellar Comet 3I/ATLAS: A Snowy Hitchhiker Laughs at Our Carbon Taxes By Dave’s Locker International Desk Somewhere beyond Neptune, 3I/ATLAS—our latest cosmic tourist—has just flipped Earth the bird. Discovered by the Hawaii-based Asteroid Terrestrial-impact Last Alert System (yes, the acronym is ATLAS; no, the universe doesn’t do subtlety), the comet is hurtling along at 33…
Jayden Higgins: The Unlikely Protagonist in a Planet-Wide Plot Twist By Our Man in Everywhere PARIS—In an age when a single TikTok can hemorrhage markets faster than a central banker’s sneeze, the planet has crowned its newest Rorschach test: Jayden Higgins. The name now ricochets through encrypted chat rooms in Lagos, appears on protest placards…
Peter Navarro, the Man Who Weaponized the Spreadsheet From Beijing to Brussels, the world still feels the paper cuts. By the time most Europeans had learned how to pronounce his surname—Na-VAH-roh, rhyming with “guano”—Peter Navarro had already rewritten the operating system of global trade. A Harvard-trained economist who once wrote love letters to the invisible…
Nico Collins Has a Quiet Tuesday, Earth’s Orbit Somehow Remains Intact By “Marcello Sable,” roaming correspondent, presently in a bar that still accepts euros Houston’s NRG Stadium—an air-conditioned sarcophagus the color of a credit-card bill—played host last Sunday to the latest installment in America’s ongoing experiment of weaponizing leisure. Amid the nacho-scented haze, wide receiver…
The Fate of One Knee in a Fractured World by Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk Geneva, 12 September – While the UN Security Council wrung its collective hands over grain corridors and microchip sanctions, 7,000 miles away in a climate-controlled practice bubble, Brock Bowers’ left knee became the single most monitored joint on planet Earth. The…
Houston, We Have Depth: How the Texans’ Roster Sheet Became a Mirror for a Fractured Planet By the time the Texans’ latest depth chart slithered onto the NFL’s official site at 04:17 GMT—an hour when only insomniacs, night-shift nurses, and European insolvency lawyers are still conscious—it had already been parsed by data-scraping bots in Bangalore,…
At 3:12 a.m. Singapore time, while most of the planet was either asleep or doom-scrolling, Google quietly flipped the switch on Gemini AI’s newest party trick: a “universal photo engine” that promises to generate any image you describe in any language, style, or historical period, provided you don’t ask it to draw hands holding more…
Atlanta vs. Washington: A Small Civil War on Grass, Observed from Afar From the vantage point of a rooftop bar in Lisbon—where the only curveball is the bartender’s wrist as he muddles mint for yet another overpriced mojito—the Atlanta Braves and Washington Nationals are engaged in what Americans call a “divisional rivalry.” To the rest…
Reddit Goes Dark: A Planet Holds Its Breath While the Meme Mines Collapse By Our Man in the Ether, filing from an undisclosed timezone When the servers at Reddit HQ flickered and died at 03:41 UTC on a grey Tuesday—an hour when only insomniacs, Australians, and algorithmic traders are awake—humanity discovered, to its mild surprise,…
The Cubs and the Pirates squared off again last night in Pittsburgh, a rivalry whose very name sounds like a rejected theme for a low-budget children’s cartoon. Yet from the vantage point of a café terrace in Sarajevo—where the waiter, having lived through actual siege warfare, finds American sports disputes quaintly adorable—the game carries more…
