Big Papi, Global Papa: How David Ortiz Became the Dominican Republic’s Most Portable Export By the time David Ortiz finally decided to stop swinging the lumber in 2016—roughly one retirement ceremony after every other living legend—he had already transcended the quaint provincial pastime Americans still quaintly call “baseball.” From Santo Domingo barrios to Tokyo yakitori…
C.J. Baxter and the Portable Apocalypse: How One Kid’s Viral Playlist Became the Soundtrack to Civilizational Anxiety By Alistair “Grim” McTavish, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker In the grand, slow-motion car crash we politely call “the 2020s,” it usually takes a thermonuclear tweet or a surprise land war to make the entire planet synchronize its doom-scrolling….
The Global Gladiators: Alcorn State vs. Mississippi State and the Theater of the Absurd In the grand amphitheater of American college football—where unpaid laborers risk lifelong injury for the glory of institutions that pay their coaches in Gulfstream jets—Saturday’s pairing between Alcorn State and Mississippi State has somehow ricocheted onto the world stage. From the…
From the Souk to the Streaming Queue: Barbara Eden’s Accidental Diplomacy in a Post-Genie World By Our Correspondent in the Cheap Seats Somewhere between the collapse of the Ottoman Empire and the latest TikTok cease-fire, a perky brunette in harem pants blinked into existence and never quite blinked out. Barbara Eden—actress, accidental soft-power envoy, and…
Liberty vs Bowling Green: The Skirmish Nobody Ordered but Everyone’s Watching Dateline: Everywhere, 2024 – In the grand, ever-crumbling amphitheater of international affairs, the newest sideshow is a legal cage match between Liberty Media (Formula 1’s sugar-daddy-in-chief) and Bowling Green, Kentucky—a city previously famous for Corvettes, cave systems, and the fact that it once lost…
Atlético Madrid: The Last Rebellion in Football’s Age of Algorithmic Cheerfulness By Dave’s Foreign Correspondent, currently self-medicating with vermouth in a Madrid bar that still smells like Franco’s aftershave MADRID—While the rest of the planet optimizes itself into oblivion—streaming mindfulness apps between drone strikes, ordering oat-milk lattes to be delivered by teenagers who can’t spell…
Palmeiras vs Internacional: A Rumble in Brazil That Might Just Decide the Fate of Civilization (Or at Least the Weekend Mood of 215 Million People) RIO DE JANEIRO—When Palmeiras and Internacional jog onto the pitch at Allianz Parque this Sunday, the rest of the planet will be dutifully worrying about inflation, wars, and whatever new…
Atlético de Madrid: The Last Reluctant Superpower of the Age of Excess By Our Man in the Departure Lounge Somewhere between the 60-minute mark and the existential dread that passes for extra time at the Metropolitano, it hits you: Atlético de Madrid is the only elite club left that still looks faintly embarrassed about being…
Jesus Aguilar: The UFC’s Reluctant Diplomat in a World Already Punch-Drunk By the time Jesus Aguilar steps into the octagon this weekend in Las Vegas, the planet will already be nursing a collective hangover from the daily news cycle—Ukraine’s drone ballets, China’s property-sector implosion, and whatever Elon Musk tweeted at 3 a.m. local time. Enter…
Alejandro Garnacho, the 19-year-old Argentine winger who still looks like he should be sneaking into bars with a fake ID, has managed to become a geopolitical metaphor in shin pads. While most teenagers are busy failing their driving tests or discovering that love hurts, Garnacho is busy reminding us that the world’s most volatile economies…
Tyler Smith, a 29-year-old supply-chain analyst from Des Moines, woke up last Tuesday convinced he was, in fact, the epicenter of the global economy. The rest of the planet, still rubbing sleep from its eyes, did not immediately concur. Yet within 48 hours Tyler’s spreadsheet—an unassuming .xlsx file titled “FinalFinal_V6(Really).xlsx”—had ricocheted from a Midwestern laptop…
Bill Bailey: The Accidental Global Everyman Who Is, Regrettably, All of Us By R. Witherspoon, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Somewhere between the 7:15 a.m. Piccadilly line and a Zoom call that definitely could have been an email, Bill Bailey became the planet’s most quietly influential citizen. Not the comedian—although he too has weaponised absurdity to…
