The Global Pension: A Promise Written in Disappearing Ink By our Senior Correspondent, still waiting for his first payout in a bar on the Mekong In theory, a pension is the civilized world’s IOU for a lifetime of showing up on time and pretending to enjoy team-building exercises. In practice, it is humanity’s most ambitious…
Suicide Squad, or “Task Force X” if you prefer the sanitized UN-style branding, has always been less a story about super-villains and more a mirror held up to the global habit of outsourcing dirty work. From Washington to Warsaw, from Lagos to Lahore, governments have discovered that the most efficient way to dodge accountability is…
It began, as all resurrections do nowadays, with a press release. Somewhere between a UN climate summit and the latest celebrity apology tour, Showtime announced that Dexter Morgan—beloved blood-spatter analyst, part-time serial killer, full-time metaphor for late-stage capitalism—would rise again in “Dexter: Resurrection.” The planet collectively rolled its eyes so hard that seismographs in Reykjavik…
The EuroMillions lottery—Europe’s weekly exercise in collective delusion—draws punters from nine countries who hand over small change in exchange for the statistically negligible possibility that their lives will suddenly resemble a private-jet commercial. Every Tuesday and Friday night the continent pauses, breath baited, to discover which accidental plutocrat will be granted the GDP of a…
Apple iPhone 17 Pro Max: The World Pauses, Blinks, Then Lines Up Anyway By Matteo “Mac” Alvarez, Senior Cynic-at-Large, Dave’s Locker Global Desk GENEVA — Somewhere between the collapse of the Antarctic ice shelf and the third attempted coup of the week in West Africa, humanity has quietly agreed that the only date that truly…
**LAS VEGAS WEATHER: WHERE THE WORLD COMES TO MELT** *By our correspondent who has filed stories from actual deserts that were more hospitable* Las Vegas—that glittering monument to human optimism in Nevada’s Mojave Desert—has been experiencing weather that makes one wonder if the city finally negotiated an exclusive deal with the sun. While temperatures flirt…
Rachel Reilly: The Global Echo of a Reality-TV Gladiator It begins, as so many modern nightmares do, on a soundstage in Los Angeles. The year is 2010, the franchise is Big Brother, and the contestant is Rachel Reilly—a bottle-blonde hurricane of strategic tears, chemical self-confidence, and the sort of laugh that makes diplomats reach for…
Ken Dryden: The Goalie Who Blocked Pucks, Then Blocked Political Apathy By Our Correspondent, still recovering from the last time a Canadian politely explained morality to the rest of us MONTREAL—While the planet busies itself weaponizing trade routes and monetizing cat videos, it’s worth remembering that somewhere north of the 49th parallel lives a six-foot-four…
The Kiss of Debt – How a Tiny Hematophage Became the World’s Most Understated Debt Collector By the time you finish your morning flat-white in Brooklyn, a silent collection agency has already crawled out of a crack in a mud-brick wall in Cochabamba and bitten a sleeping child just above the lip. The agent’s calling…
The Curse of the Dbacks: How One Awkward Acronym Went Global and Nobody Noticed By Diego V. Serrano, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker In a world where acronyms multiply faster than conspiracy theories, the humble “dbacks” has quietly slipped past immigration control and embedded itself in the lingua franca of the terminally online. Originally a shorthand…
Big Brother Is Streaming—And He’s Got 8K Resolution By the time you finish this sentence, roughly 1.3 petabytes of face-recognition data will be filed away in places you’ve never heard of, with names like “Project Lavender Mist” or “Operation Helpful Walrus.” From Singapore’s lamp posts that scold jaywalkers in real time to Detroit’s “Green Light”…
Australasia’s sunburned continent versus the southern cone of Latin America: on paper it sounds like a geopolitical bar-fight between two lonely hemispheres, each convinced the other smells faintly of sheep. Yet the rivalry—now being re-heated in everything from lithium boardrooms to TikTok rugby brawls—has quietly become the world’s most polite proxy war. Think of it…
