**The Global Cost of American Football: How NFL Sunday Ticket Pricing Became a Barometer of Civilization’s Decline** While the world grapples with climate refugees, food insecurity, and the occasional attempted coup, America’s most pressing crisis appears to be the escalating cost of watching grown men in spandex concuss each other for three hours every Sunday….
Another Thursday, Another Gun: Fremont Joins the Global Chorus of Trigger-Happy Tuesdays By Matteo “Bullets & Bylines” Ricci, Foreign Correspondent-at-Large FREMONT, California—It happened at 4:17 p.m. local time, which was 0:17 a.m. in Kyiv, 6:17 a.m. in Singapore, and precisely cocktail hour on the International Space Station where, presumably, astronauts were too busy admiring the…
The UNLV Football Coach and the Theater of American Dreams By our Las Vegas bureau chief, still recovering from the all-you-can-eat buffet of hope LAS VEGAS—Somewhere between the wedding chapels offering “Marry a Stranger, Get a Free Margarita” coupons and the slot machines that cough out cryptocurrency instead of coins, the University of Nevada, Las…
LOS ANGELES – In the same week that the International Monetary Fund politely warned the planet may be circling the drain, 22 millionaires in neon footwear kicked a ball around a converted baseball diamond and called it progress. The occasion: LA Galaxy versus Houston Dynamo, a fixture that, on paper, promises nothing more than three…
Amy Coney Barrett and the Spectacular Collapse of American Exceptionalism: A Global View From the Cheap Seats By Our Man in the Departures Lounge The rest of the planet first met Amy Coney Barrett on a Monday night in late September 2020, when she materialized beside Donald Trump like an impeccably-coiffed genie summoned by a…
The USMNT Conundrum: America Learns That Soccer Is Not a Tax Write-Off By Our Man in the Global Press Box The United States Men’s National Team—abbreviated like a hedge fund that never quite delivered—has once again wandered onto the world stage, blinking like a tourist who forgot to exchange currency. From Berlin to Bogotá, seasoned…
Bishop Montgomery Football and the Decline of Western Civilization (As Viewed from 30,000 Feet) By the time the private-jet set touched down in Riyadh last week—fresh from Davos, COP 28, and a discreet stop in Davos again for good measure—news of Bishop Montgomery High’s latest gridiron triumph had already ping-ponged through the encrypted group-chats of…
The Saints Depth Chart as Global Rorschach Test By Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk (in exile, again) NEW ORLEANS—Somewhere between the beignet grease and the humidity you can still taste Hurricane Katrina’s ghost, the New Orleans Saints released their 2024 depth chart. On the surface it’s a tidy list of 53 men arranged like toy soldiers:…
