Shaq Thompson: The Linebacker Who Proves Americans Will Export Absolutely Anything By our international desk – the one facing a flickering neon sign that reads “Hope Dies Here” Charlotte, North Carolina – While the rest of the planet busies itself with minor trifles—Ukrainian gridlock, Sudan’s food-free diet plan, or the yen’s limbo contest against the…
Kirk Herbstreit and the Strange Global Empire of American Football Commentary Dave’s Locker – International Desk PARIS—At 03:47 CET, while most of the civilized world was either asleep or pretending to be, Kirk Herbstreit was live on ESPN International breaking down the Alabama-Georgia SEC Championship with the solemnity of a UN weapons inspector. Somewhere in…
Dawson Knox and the Curious Export of American Grief A dispatch from the Department of Existential Exports By the time the news of Dawson Knox’s younger brother Luke’s death pinged European phones at 03:47 CEST—sandwiched between an Amber Alert and a crypto-scam push notification—the Buffalo Bills tight end had already become an unwitting case study…
Raheem Mostert and the Mirage of the American Dream, Observed from 34,000 Feet Above the Atlantic By Dave’s Locker International Desk Somewhere between Shannon and Reykjavik, the seat-back screen froze on a looping NFL highlight: Raheem Mostert slicing through the Cowboys’ defense like a tax lawyer through a loophole. The cabin lights dimmed, the flight…
UNCW News: How a Coastal Carolina Campus Became the Canary in Higher-Ed’s Coal Mine Wilmington, North Carolina—If you squint past the pastel beach rentals and the obligatory Confederate-gift-shop row, the University of North Carolina Wilmington looks like any other mid-tier American campus: palm trees, vape clouds, and a parking crisis that could be solved by…
From the banks of the Thames to the neon sprawl of Shibuya, the name “Jake Retzlaff” is trending on the same algorithmic conveyor belt that once ferried Baby Yoda memes and the phrase “quiet quitting.” If you’re outside the United States, you may have first seen the syllables attached to a grainy clip of a…
Kimberly Guilfoyle, the American political commentator whose surname sounds like a brand of discount cologne, has transcended mere domestic notoriety to become a curious specimen of late-imperial pageantry. From Manila to Milan, observers watch her performative patriotism with the same detached fascination usually reserved for slow-motion train derailments or North Korean parades—equal parts horror and…
Shaquil Barrett and the Quiet Collapse of American Exceptionalism By our man in the cheap seats, somewhere between Reykjavík and regret When Shaquil Barrett announced his retirement from the NFL this week, the news ping-ponged across continents with all the urgency of a slow-motion TikTok. In Lagos, the headline ran under a fuel-price ticker; in…
The NFL Lands Abroad: How a Private American Gladiator League Conquered the World’s Living Rooms by Matteo “Flat-Foot” Ricci, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker PARIS—Every November, the City of Light dims its monuments so that three hours of prime-time electricity can be funneled into a pop-up stadium three metro stops from the Louvre. There, beneath the…
Tim Allen: The Last American Tool Man Standing Between Civilization and the Abyss By Dave’s Locker Foreign Correspondent-at-Large PARIS—While Europe debates heat-pump subsidies and Asia perfects the art of paying for groceries with a blink, the United States still has Tim Allen grunting in syndication across 112 territories, a cultural export as durable as asbestos…
In the grand geopolitical chessboard, most pieces move with the subtlety of a drone strike: loud, expensive, and leaving craters where nuance used to live. Then there’s Pete Alonso—first baseman, Mets lifer, human embodiment of the phrase “built like a Soviet apartment block”—quietly swinging a maple bat in Queens as if the fate of the…
Seth Meyers: The Last American Comedian the World Still Lets In When the planet’s diplomats gather at 3 a.m. for another emergency session about tariffs, treaties, or whatever fresh apocalypse the algorithm has served up that day, the one thing they can still agree on is that the U.S. has at least one export that…
