The Buffalo Bills depth chart—an innocuous PDF that drops every August like a tax notice—has quietly become the Rosetta Stone for twenty-first-century geopolitics. To the untrained eye it’s just a list of large men arranged by jersey number, but to anyone who has watched civilization lurch from crisis to crisis, it reads like a classified…
The San Francisco Giants—yes, those orange-clad technocrats of Oracle Park—published their latest depth chart this week, and the planet promptly resumed its slow spin toward Armageddon. From the smog-choked skyline of Shenzhen to the moldy basements of Leeds, analysts parsed whether Tyler Fitzgerald really is the everyday shortstop or merely a placeholder until Marco Luciano’s…
From the bunkers of Kyiv to the bistros of Buenos Aires, the world’s attention is fixed on a single, burning question: which defense will tilt the balance of power in 2025 fantasy football? Forget sovereign debt, forget election cycles, forget whether your local bakery still remembers what wheat tastes like—what truly matters is whether the…
Sinner: The World’s Favorite Scapegoat, Now Available in Multiple Languages By Dave’s International Affairs Correspondent Who Has Personally Sinned on Three Continents Before Breakfast PARIS—If you believe the marketing, the term “sinner” has never been more cosmopolitan. Once the exclusive property of medieval flagellants and small-town preachers armed with megaphones and cholesterol, the label is…
Yankee Game Today: A Global Dispatch from the Republic of Bread and Circuses By Correspondent-at-Large, Dave’s Locker NEW YORK—Somewhere between the Hudson’s toxic shimmer and the Hudson Yards tax write-off, the New York Yankees are scheduled to play a baseball game this afternoon. While 46,000 ticket-holders prepare to genuflect at the altar of pinstripes, the…
The Global Ballad of ESPN Fantasy: How Imaginary Sports Became the Last Universal Currency By the time the sun rose over Reykjavik last Sunday, 3.4 million people—spread from Lagos to Lapland—had already checked their ESPN Fantasy lineups. They did so before breakfast, before brushing teeth, before remembering whether their actual national football teams were still…
The world’s most consequential geopolitical contest this week is not playing out in the South China Sea but in a dimly lit spare bedroom in suburban Milwaukee, where Trevor—an actuarial analyst who once misspelled “Ukraine” on a conference call—is deciding whether to start Jordan Addison or bench him for a London game that kicks off…
Yahoo Fantasy Football: The Last Empire America Still Runs Better Than the U.N. By Diego “Draft Day” Serrano, International Correspondent filing from a Wi-Fi dead zone near the Syrian-Turkish border If you want to witness a functioning global bureaucracy that still inspires mass participation without drone strikes or debt ceilings, skip Davos and open the…
**The Global Hamstring: How Justin Jefferson’s Pulled Muscle Quietly Terrified Four Continents** *By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Dave’s Locker International* MINNEAPOLIS—Somewhere between the 38-second mark of the second quarter and the next round of artisanal nachos, Justin Jefferson’s hamstring sent a ripple across the planet that registered roughly 3.7 on the Richter Scale…
Athletics vs Cardinals: When Cosmic Irony Dresses in Spandex and Feathers By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Somewhere Over the Pacific If you tuned in expecting a quaint American baseball rivalry, congratulations—you’ve just been punked by the universe. The phrase “Athletics vs Cardinals” is no longer the exclusive property of two teams that trade…
CenterPoint Energy: Houston, We Have a Grid Problem (and It’s Contagious) By the time the lights flickered out in Texas last February, the rest of the planet had already stopped pretending to be surprised. After all, we’ve spent the last decade watching power grids from South Africa to Siberia audition for the same tragicomedy: one…
Dodgers vs. Pirates: A Tragicomic Opera Staged on the High Seas of Global Capital By Our Correspondent Somewhere Between a Tax Haven and a Rum-Soaked Dock The eternal pas de deux between dodgers and pirates has always been less a binary clash of good and evil than a recurring dinner party where the appetizers are…
