Austin Peay vs. Georgia: When the World’s Problems Pause for 40 Minutes of Manufactured Hope by Diego Morales, International Correspondent-at-Large The University of Georgia Bulldogs—an outfit valued somewhere between a Baltic nation’s GDP and Jeff Bezos’ weekend yacht budget—took the floor Saturday against Austin Peay State University, whose annual athletics subsidy is roughly what the…
PARIS—Somewhere between the fifth croissant and the third existential crisis of the week, the name Kellen Moore ping-ponged through the global sports-commentariat like a ricocheting drone strike. To the average Parisian barista, the phrase “Kellen Moore” sounds like the latest Scandinavian furniture line—minimalist, vaguely threatening, and guaranteed to fall apart after four seasons. Yet on…
A Severe Thunderstorm Watch Has Been Issued—for the Entire Planet From the equatorial belt to the Arctic Circle, from the rice paddies of Guangxi to the ski resorts of Zermatt, the alert is out: the sky is in a mood and we all live under the same temperamental ceiling. The United States may have trademarked…
Texas: The World’s Favorite Cautionary Tale That Still Makes Money by Dave’s Foreign Correspondent, somewhere over the Atlantic with a lukewarm Bloody Mary If you watch the planet from 30,000 feet—preferably in business class, because who still flies coach voluntarily—Texas appears less like a U.S. state and more like a fever dream the rest of…
Notts County: The 160-Year-Old Football Club Teaching the World How to Survive Its Own Stupidity By Our Man in the East Midlands, nursing a lukewarm pint and déjà vu Meadow Lane, Nottingham – In a week when Silicon Valley titans were congratulating themselves for inventing the “metaverse pub” (basically a chat room with beer NFTs),…
Andora—pronounced with the same breathy reverence a sommelier reserves for a 1945 Château Pétrus—has quietly become the planet’s most exclusive gated community that nobody can actually find on a reliable map. Tucked between two quarrelling Iberian neighbors who can’t even agree on ham regulations, the 468-square-kilometre sovereign speck is what happens when medieval real-estate arbitrage…
Scorpion in a Suitcase: How René Higuita Accidentally Became the World’s Most Dangerous Tourist By the time the Berlin Wall had been reduced to souvenir fragments, René Higuita was busy turning the penalty area into a geopolitical playground. The Colombian goalkeeper—part acrobat, part liability insurer’s nightmare—never bothered to wait for history’s permission slip. Instead, he…
Sara Cox: How a Rugby Referee From Rochdale Accidentally Became a Global Allegory for Everything By Our Jaded Correspondent, currently self-medicating with airport whisky PARIS—The planet is on fire, supply chains are collapsing, and the Doomsday Clock has crept so close to midnight that the minute hand needs a restraining order. Yet in the midst…
The Turtles: A Slow-Motion Global Rebellion Against the Speed of Collapse By A. Correspondent, filing from a beach bar that used to be a nesting site The turtles—those obstinate, algae-covered anachronisms—have quietly declared war on the 21st century. From the Gulf of Oman to the Gulf of Mexico, from the Andaman Islands to the Andalusian…
**The Global Gloom Boom: How Wednesday Addams Became the Patron Saint of a World on Fire** *International Correspondent’s Dispatch from the Cultural Frontlines* In a world where nuclear powers play chicken with red buttons and climate change is delivering punchlines nobody asked for, humanity has collectively decided that the most logical response is to romanticize…
Mega Millions Winning Numbers: The Global Lottery Where Everyone Loses Except One Guy in Ohio By the time the white balls tumbled out of the gravity chamber in Atlanta, the planet had already placed its bets. In Manila, a call-center agent on his smoke break refreshed the app six times, convinced that 07-15-24-41-43 + 22…
GLOBAL SMACKDOWN REPORT: The Planet’s Weekly Recap of Who Got Owned, Who Got Lucky, and Who Still Owes Us Rent By Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk ZURICH—If you squint hard enough, every news cycle looks like an over-booked wrestling card: the same tired gimmicks, the same surprise run-ins, and a commentary team pretending the outcome wasn’t…
