Burnley F.C. vs Liverpool F.C.: A Timeline for the End of Days Turin, Tuesday. While G-7 finance ministers argue over whose printer still has ink, the real summit of civilisation is quietly unfolding on a rectangle of grass in Lancashire. The Burnley–Liverpool fixture may look provincial to anyone who thinks football is merely twenty-two millionaires…
Roma vs Torino: A Serie A Sideshow in the Grand Theater of Geopolitical Chaos By Dave’s Locker International Correspondent Somewhere between the Tiber and the Po, two football clubs will kick a ball tonight while the rest of the planet rehearses its usual slow-motion apocalypse. Roma—capital club, eternal city, home to popes, emperors, and the…
From the Highveld to the High Seas: Teddy Bridgewater’s Quiet Rebellion Against the NFL’s Global Circus By Our Man in the Departures Lounge MIAMI—Somewhere between a half-eaten Cuban sandwich and the faint smell of jet fuel, Teddy Bridgewater stands on the tarmac like a man who has read the fine print on the back of…
London’s Canary Wharf towers glint with the same smugness they had in 2008, but fifteen years later the man most Britons turn to for financial absolution is not a pin-stripe banker—it’s Martin Lewis, a balding Welshman whose greatest talent is translating compound interest into swear-free soundbites. From Lagos to Lima, the world watches the UK’s…
Chester, the One-Name Wonder, Goes Global Bylines from Lagos to Lima are suddenly tripping over the same four consonants. Chester—no surname required, like Beyoncé or Cher or that guy who used to sell you weed in college—has become the planet’s most portable piece of gossip. Whether it’s a fraud-tainted West African fintech, a crypto-ponzi quietly…
Bargain Bin Planet: The Global Garage Sale of “Cars for Sale” By the Bureau Chief for Dimly Lit Parking Lots, Dave’s Locker There is a moment—usually around 3 a.m. local time, when the neon of the used-car lot flickers like a migraine—when you realize that “cars for sale” is no longer a classified ad but…
When Ravens Meet Browns: A Global Morality Play Staged in Pads and Helmets Dave’s Locker, International Desk If you squint past the stadium lights in Baltimore this Sunday, you’ll see more than a gridiron grudge match—you’ll witness a tidy allegory for a planet that can’t decide whether it prefers doom or farce. On one sideline:…
BILLS VS JETS: A VERY SMALL WAR ON A VERY LARGE PLANET By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Somewhere Between Buffalo and the End of the World If you squint hard enough from the International Space Station, Sunday night’s collision between the Buffalo Bills and the New York Jets looks less like a football…
Rams vs Titans: A Global Forecast for the Apocalypse That Is Week 14 If the universe were a bar, the Rams-Titans tilt this Sunday would be the lukewarm beer special you order only because everything else is either on fire or under investigation. Still, 193 UN-recognized countries, a handful of rogue states, and Elon Musk’s…
Armando González, International Man of Mystery (and Parking Tickets) The name Armando González has been quietly ricocheting around the world’s back-channels, encrypted chat rooms, and the occasional customs declaration since roughly 2012—about the same time the rest of us were still trying to remember our new Facebook passwords. To the uninitiated, he is a mid-level…
PARIS—On a rain-slick Tuesday in the 19th arrondissement, a bougnat bar is showing grainy League Pass highlights of Patrick Beverley sliding his forehead into Russell Westbrook’s nostrils like a border guard confiscating contraband perfume. The patrons—Senegalese street vendors, off-duty Bulgarian mechanics, and one retired philosophy lecturer who swears he once taught Derrida how to box…
The planet is now so comprehensively insured that, should a meteor obliterate the Eastern Seaboard tomorrow, actuaries in Zurich would yawn, adjust their spreadsheets, and schedule a Zoom call before the dust cloud reached Europe. In 2024, insurance is less a safety net than the world’s largest, most neurotic casino—one where every house always wins,…
