In the shadow of real-world supply-chain meltdowns, drone strikes on grain silos, and the slow-motion car crash we politely call “global governance,” one multinational conflict rages on with the moral clarity of a sugar-crazed toddler: Mario Kart. Yes, the Nintendo confection that debuted in 1992 has quietly become the planet’s most reliable diplomatic summit—equal parts…
Ghost of Yōtei Reviews: When a Japanese Game’s Spectral Bugs Become a Global Morality Play By the time the sun rose over Helsinki, the Finnish speed-running collective “Perkele64” had already clipped through three walls and discovered that the titular ghost in Ghost of Yōtei was, in fact, an unpaid intern’s placeholder texture accidentally left in…
**Forza Horizon 6: The World’s Most Elaborate Distraction from Climate Catastrophe** As the planet’s temperature graphs resemble a meth addict’s EKG and democracy continues its global impression of a drunk tourist on a Barcelona stag do, Microsoft has graciously announced Forza Horizon 6—because nothing quite says “we’re all going to be fine” like pretending to…
Battlefield 6: The World’s Most Expensive Geopolitical Mood Ring By Dave’s Locker International Desk It’s 3:14 a.m. in Reykjavík when the servers finally breathe, and somewhere in Lagos a teenager wearing noise-canceling headphones learns the Swedish word for “cover me.” That’s the moment you realize Battlefield 6 isn’t really a videogame—it’s the planet’s least supervised…
**Hell Goes Global: How Hades 2 Has the World’s Gamers Queueing for Eternal Damnation** In a world where actual international relations resemble a particularly vindictive game of musical chairs, humanity has found its latest collective coping mechanism: queueing for digital damnation. Hades 2, Supergiant Games’ sequel to their 2020 indie darling, has achieved what decades…
**The Xbox Series S: A Tiny Console for a World That Prefers Its Escapism Bite-Sized** In a world where democracy is increasingly optional and climate change is the ultimate unpaid subscription service, Microsoft has delivered the perfect metaphor for our collective resignation: the Xbox Series S—a console so small it fits neatly between your dwindling…
The Elder Scrolls 6: A Global Waiting Room Where Time Itself Levels Up By Rémy Devereaux, Senior Misanthrope-at-Large GENEVA—The last time the planet was this collectively fixated on a non-existent artefact, we were hunting for weapons of mass destruction. Now, in a delightful twist of geopolitical priorities, the United Nations hasn’t scheduled a single emergency…
Physint: Kojima’s New Espionage Opera Proves the World Still Loves a Good Wiretap By Dave’s Locker International Desk If you were hoping 2024 would finally be the year humanity outgrew its addiction to clandestine snooping, Hideo Kojima has some unfortunate news. Fresh off Death Stranding’s existential parcel-delivery simulator—and Norman Reedus’s increasingly sentient beard—the Tokyo-based auteur…
Black Flag Re-Issue: The World’s Favorite Pirate Simulator Returns Just as Real-World Seas Get Even More Lawless By Our Man in Whatever Port Still Accepts His Expired Press Card If you squint past the tropical glare, Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag’s remastered sunrise looks uncannily like the one glinting off a Houthi drone in the…
**The United Nations of Toxicity: How League of Legends Became the World’s Most Effective Diplomatic Pressure Cooker** While traditional international organizations struggle with language barriers and cultural differences, Riot Games has inadvertently solved global communication problems by creating a universal language of flaming, feeding, and “gg ez” spam. League of Legends, the free-to-play masterpiece of…
**Borderlands 4: The Great Digital Border Crisis** In a world where actual borders remain stubbornly physical—complete with barbed wire, armed guards, and the occasional dramatic river crossing—humanity has found a new frontier to squabble over: the digital borders of Steam’s gaming platform. And like every great human endeavor, we’ve managed to turn it into an…
**The Digital Coliseum: How a Texan Gamer Became the World’s Most Unlikely Diplomat** In an era where traditional diplomacy crumbles faster than a week-old croissant, humanity has found its newest cultural ambassador: a 33-year-old Austin native who streams World of Warcraft in a room that looks like it hasn’t seen daylight since the Clinton administration….
