iPhone 17: Because the Planet Wasn’t Dystopian Enough Already By Our Correspondent in a Bunker Somewhere Neutral-ish GENEVA—Apple’s marketing department, fresh from convincing half the Northern Hemisphere that “courage” means removing headphone jacks, has now confirmed the iPhone 17 will launch this autumn in a palette of colors named after endangered species. (Arctic Fox White…
Power, like cheap tequila, is most potent just before it makes you sick. From the marble corridors of Brussels to the fluorescent-lit war rooms of Beijing, the world’s sharpest minds are busy proving that axiom daily, usually while someone else foots the bar tab. Consider the United Nations Security Council on any given Tuesday: five…
Astros: The New Cosmic Cartel Running the World While You’re Busy Scrolling By Dave’s Foreign Desk, from an undisclosed bar with a view of three different time zones You’d be forgiven for assuming that “Astros” refers to that baseball team whose 2017 World Series trophy is now used primarily as a paperweight for MLB’s apology…
The Buffalo Bills depth chart—an innocuous PDF that drops every August like a tax notice—has quietly become the Rosetta Stone for twenty-first-century geopolitics. To the untrained eye it’s just a list of large men arranged by jersey number, but to anyone who has watched civilization lurch from crisis to crisis, it reads like a classified…
South America: A Continent That Forgot to Read the Global Memo Dave’s Locker International Desk – Friday, 07:14 UTC RIO DE JANEIRO—While the rest of the planet was busy optimizing supply chains, South America appears to have been stuck in the longest cigarette break in recorded history. Somewhere between the Andes and the Atlantic, an…
From the bunkers of Kyiv to the bistros of Buenos Aires, the world’s attention is fixed on a single, burning question: which defense will tilt the balance of power in 2025 fantasy football? Forget sovereign debt, forget election cycles, forget whether your local bakery still remembers what wheat tastes like—what truly matters is whether the…
Musetti: A Global Love Affair With a Twelve-Cent Doughnut Hole By Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk PARIS—Somewhere between the Seine and the last functioning traffic light in Naples, the planet has quietly agreed that the pinnacle of human ingenuity is a sugar-dusted sphere of fried dough the size of a golf ball. Italians call it musetti;…
Anisimova: The Name the World Suddenly Can’t Spell but Won’t Stop Saying By our correspondent in a hotel bar that still thinks fax machines are avant-garde PARIS—Somewhere between the third espresso and the fourth police barricade, it became clear that “Anisimova” had transcended its bearer and become a global Rorschach test. To the French, it…
WARSAW, 1 a.m. local time—While most of the planet was doom-scrolling through another evening of geopolitical whack-a-mole, a solitary 23-year-old from Raszyn was busy re-negotiating the price of immortality. Iga Świątek’s three-set demolition of Aryna Sabalenka in the Madrid final did more than add another bauble to Poland’s trophy cabinet; it quietly redrew a few…
Eurobasket 2025: When the Continent’s Fractured Egos Learn to Share One Orange Ball and a Trophy By the Global Affairs Desk, Dave’s Locker Berlin—The biennial festival of hardwood nationalism known as Eurobasket has rolled back into town, and once again Europe is pretending that twenty-four countries can resolve centuries of mutual suspicion by sweating through…
American Eagle Outfitters—ticker symbol AEO, for anyone still pretending retail tickers are more than three-letter horoscopes—has spent the year behaving like a jet-lagged tourist: stumbling out of bed in Pittsburgh, checking its passport, and suddenly discovering the rest of the planet exists. The stock is up roughly 60 % since January, a figure that sounds…
Turkey vs Serbia: When Two Middle Powers Decide to Throw Elbows in the Balkan Playground By the time you read this, the latest diplomatic “flare-up” between Ankara and Belgrade may have already been memory-holed by the next algorithmic outrage. Still, for those keeping score on how small, proud nations weaponize history, the Turkey–Serbia spat is…
