CeeDee Lamb and the Global Theater of Catch-and-Release By The Foreign Desk, Dave’s Locker Somewhere between the neon shrine of JerryWorld and the algorithmic bowels of TikTok, CeeDee Lamb—wide-receiver, reluctant fashion influencer, and occasional human piñata for defensive backs—has become the latest export in America’s ongoing experiment: turning kinetic talent into soft power. To the…
Quinshon Judkins and the Geopolitics of a 40-Time By the time Quinshon Judkins, Mississippi-bred running back with thighs that could embargo a small shipping lane, announced his transfer to Ohio State, the tremor was felt from Lagos to Luxembourg. Not because anyone in Lagos can immediately locate Starkville on a map (they can’t; most Americans…
Ronde Barber, the Man Who Tackled the World (and Barely Bruised It) If you whisper “Ronde Barber” in a smoky bar in Lisbon, the bartender will probably slide you an espresso and ask whether you mean the guy who single-handedly reminded Europe that American football exists or the balding deity who once ended the Philadelphia…
The Curious Diplomatic Career of Jalen Hurts By: A. Cynic, somewhere over the Atlantic, nursing lukewarm coffee and an even colder worldview It began, like most modern miracles, as a 240-character punchline: “So the Eagles’ QB is now the de-facto ambassador to half the planet?” Somewhere between the Super Bowl parade and a Nike spot…
Dan Quinn’s Second Life: From Super-Bowl Collapse to Global Gridiron Diplomat By International Desk, Dave’s Locker Atlanta, Georgia—That Dan Quinn is again gainfully employed as an NFL head coach is either a testament to redemption narratives Americans can’t resist or proof that the league’s memory is shorter than a TikTok clip of a cat knocking…
Top 25 College Football: A Global Satire in Shoulder Pads By Dave’s Locker Foreign Correspondent, still jet-lagged from covering a Bolivian llama race The American ritual known as the AP Top-25 college football poll dropped this week, and—like a drone strike on good taste—it instantly colonized timelines from Lagos to Lahore. Why, you ask, should…
Jeremy McNichols: The Running Back Who Ran All the Way to the End of the Earth (and Found a Job in Doha) If you’d told a 10-year-old Jeremy McNichols in 2005 that his future résumé would one day list stops in Boise, Nashville, Jacksonville, Denver, Atlanta, Tampa, and—why not—Doha, he probably would’ve asked whether the…
MILAN — On the surface, it’s just another Serie A fixture: Inter versus Sassuolo, the blue-and-black aristocrats against the fluorescent green upstarts from Modena’s concrete hinterland. Yet, from a safe distance—say, a barstool in Lagos or a betting app in Manila—the match becomes a perfect parable for the age: a study in how late-stage capitalism…
The Curious Case of Bhayshul Tuten: How a College Running Back Became a Global Metaphor for Everything Wrong (and Right) with 2024 By Our Correspondent, Somewhere Between the 50-yard Line and the End of Civilization If you haven’t heard of Bhayshul Tuten yet, congratulations—you still possess the blissful ignorance normally reserved for hedge-fund managers before…
The Man Who Guards the Quarterback—And the Fragile Illusion of American Exceptionalism By Diego Serrano, International Desk, Dave’s Locker To the rest of the planet, Lane Johnson is merely the 6’6″, 325-pound right tackle who keeps Philadelphia’s Jalen Hurts from becoming a chalk outline on the Lincoln Financial Field turf. But step back—say, to the…
The Gladiators of Inglewood: How the LA Rams Became a Global Parable of Excess By Marco “Gravedigger” Alvarez, Senior Cynic-at-Large LOS ANGELES—In most places on earth, a football team is merely eleven sweaty men and their accountant. Here, the Rams are a $5.4 billion pop-up cathedral whose consecration rites include drone swarms, crypto giveaways, and…
Rhamondre Stevenson and the Geopolitics of a Six-Yard Gain By Matteo “The Diplomat” Dragović, filing from a press box that smells faintly of bratwurst and existential dread Somewhere between the 40-yard line and the edge of civilizational collapse, Rhamondre Stevenson—a 6-foot, 247-pound human mortar round from Las Vegas by way of Oklahoma—carries the hopes of…
