Today—capital T, singular, allegedly singular—arrived at 00:00 UTC like a hung-over flight attendant who still manages to smile while spilling coffee on your laptop. From the International Date Line eastward, humanity rolled out of bed, checked its collective phone, and discovered that nothing fundamental had changed except the date stamp. Yet the machinery of the…
Tigers vs Yankees: A Proxy War in Pinstripes and Whiskers By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Somewhere over the Pacific If you squint hard enough from the press box of the Tokyo Dome, the Detroit Tigers look less like a baseball team and more like a floundering nation-state: rich in nostalgic glory, poor in…
The Curious Case of Tiki Barber: How a Former NFL Star Became a Global Metaphor for Second Acts Gone Sideways In a world where the phrase “pivot to media” has become the international equivalent of “I’m writing a screenplay,” Tiki Barber stands as a cautionary monument—equal parts athletic marvel and late-capitalist punchline. Once the pride…
Akron vs Nebraska: The Entire Planet Holds Its Breath (or Pretends To) Somewhere between the soy fields of Nebraska and the tire factories of Akron, two college football teams—whose combined endowments could bankroll a small Pacific island—are preparing to collide this Saturday. From Jakarta to Johannesburg, the world’s seven billion non-American residents are, of course,…
Scratch marks the spot—whether on a lottery ticket in Lagos, a DJ’s vinyl in Berlin, or the arm of a refugee who just realized the camp’s Wi-Fi password is “Password123.” The word itself is a global chameleon: noun, verb, existential sigh. Peel back one layer and you find the entire planet trying to itch an…
