Adam Thielen and the Global Apostrophe Crisis By our man in the cheap seats, somewhere over the Atlantic In the grand geopolitical sweep of 2024—where BRICS nations flirt with ditching the dollar, AI prophets promise either utopia or annihilation, and your toaster now demands a firmware update—Adam Thielen’s career arc should register as a footnote….
The Curious Case of Brian Daboll, or How a Bald Guy from Buffalo Conquered the Empire State’s Attention Span By the time you finish this sentence, three European finance ministers will have resigned, two crypto exchanges in Singapore will have imploded, and a small Pacific island nation will have switched allegiance from Taipei to Beijing….
The Curious Global Career of Kendrick Bourne, or How a Slot Receiver Became a Metaphor for 21st-Century Mobility In a world where supply chains snap like cheap earbuds and passports mutate into status symbols, the professional wanderings of Kendrick Lamar Bourne—yes, that really is his government name—offer a darkly comic masterclass in modern transience. While…
Adrian Peterson and the Global Trade in Disposable Heroes By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Somewhere over the Mid-Atlantic PARIS—Because nothing says “universal human values” quite like a 38-year-old American running back still hawking his wares on the open market, Adrian Peterson has once again become an unlikely diplomatic incident. The NFL’s erstwhile MVP—whose…
Carolina Panthers: America’s Adorable Existential Crisis on Cleats By “Jet-Lagged” Julio Navarro, Senior Correspondent for Dave’s Locker The Carolina Panthers, for the uninitiated, are an American football franchise named after a predator that hasn’t prowled the Carolinas since the 19th century—an irony not lost on a planet that now watches apex predators mostly on streaming…
The Curious Case of Nik Bonitto, or How a Linebacker Became a Geopolitical Weather Vane By Our Man at the End of the Bar, Dave’s Locker Global Affairs Desk Somewhere between the 104th meridian west and the Prime Meridian, Nik Bonitto has become an unlikely export—Denver’s 6’3″, 240-pound outside linebacker now haunting the sleep cycles…
