**The Global Hamstring: How Justin Jefferson’s Pulled Muscle Quietly Terrified Four Continents** *By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Dave’s Locker International* MINNEAPOLIS—Somewhere between the 38-second mark of the second quarter and the next round of artisanal nachos, Justin Jefferson’s hamstring sent a ripple across the planet that registered roughly 3.7 on the Richter Scale…
Did MrBeast Buy the NFL? A Dispatch from the End of Civilization, Probably By the time the rumor ping-ponged its way across five continents, the question had already mutated into a dozen languages: “¿MrBeast compró la NFL?”, “MrBeast hat die NFL gekauft?”, “ミスター・ビーストがNFLを買収したってマジ？” The short answer, delivered with the same enthusiasm a coroner uses to…
MrBeast Tackles the NFL: When YouTube Philanthropy Meets America’s Most Sacred Violence Circus By Dave’s Locker International Desk If you woke up last week to learn that Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson had purchased the Carolina Panthers, congratulations—you’ve just witnessed late-stage capitalism’s newest halftime show. The rumor mill began whirring after Beast dropped a teaser video titled…
RedZone: The 21st-Century Colosseum Beamed to Your Flat Screen, Pub, and Probable Dystopia By Sebastian “Bas” Mortensen, International Correspondent, Dave’s Locker LONDON—It’s 6:57 p.m. GMT on a Sunday when the Sky Sports satellite uplink crackles alive above a Shoreditch sports bar already vibrating with cheap lager and existential dread. Inside, punters from four continents hush…
Jeff Driskel and the Curious Case of the Disposable Quarterback By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, somewhere over the North Atlantic If the American experiment in late-stage capitalism had a mascot, it might well be Jeff Driskel—an itinerant quarterback whose career arc resembles a Ryanair flight plan: cheap, indirect, and perpetually delayed. The 31-year-old…
