Washington D.C. — Somewhere in the global hive-mind that passes for geopolitics these days, the ligaments of a 24-year-old quarterback have been elevated to the level of a minor diplomatic crisis. Jayden Daniels, the rookie whose jersey sales alone could prop up a small island economy, left FedExField on Monday night with a rib cartilage…
Met Office Issues Strong-Winds Warning; Rest of Planet Politely Stifles a Yawn By Our Man in the Jet Stream LONDON—On Tuesday the United Kingdom’s Meteorological Office, the granddaddy of national weather services and still clinging to imperial measurements like a pensioner clutching a ration book, hoisted its yellow “be aware” flag for gusts that may—brace…
Red Sox Schedule: How 162 Games of American Pastime Quietly Dictate the Planet’s Supply Chains, Diplomatic Timetables, and Your Cousin’s Wedding By the time Fenway Park’s ancient PA system crackles to life on Opening Day, the reverberations are felt well beyond Boston’s clam-chowder belt. In Singapore, a container-load of David Ortiz-branded oven mitts is rerouted…
Tesla’s Share Price: A Global Mood Ring for the Age of Uncertainty By Dave’s Locker Foreign Correspondent (currently hiding in a Geneva safe house after asking too many questions) If you want to know how the planet is feeling, skip the UN General Assembly and just glance at Tesla’s stock ticker. On any given morning…
Austin Maddox and the Peculiar Global Pastime of Watching Americans Implode By “Scotch” McReady, roaming correspondent for Dave’s Locker If the planet were a dimly lit bar, Austin Maddox would be the guy who just shattered a pint glass and is now insisting the shards prove his masculinity. The rest of us—nursing our own watered-down…
Miami Vice: How a Pastel Fever Dream Became the Planet’s Operating Manual By Dave’s International Affairs Desk (currently wearing linen and pretending the air-con works) In 1984, while the rest of the planet was busy rehearsing nuclear winter, the United States exported a different apocalypse: two undercover cops who wore more shoulder pad than aircraft…
If you were watching the White Sox and the Guardians on Monday night from a bar in Reykjavík, you might have wondered why the broadcast cut to a split-screen of grainy drone footage over the Red Sea every time José Ramírez stepped to the plate. The bartender—half-Icelandic, half-exasperated—would shrug and mutter something about “global bandwidth…
Friday Night Football: The World’s Most Expensive Ritual Sacrifice, Now in 4K It’s 7:07 p.m. somewhere on the North American continent—exactly the moment when the global balance of power tilts imperceptibly toward whichever high school can afford better LED pylons. While the rest of the planet either sleeps or schemes, a small town’s entire GDP…
Global dispatch, Arlington, Texas – Somewhere between the tenth replay of a seagull dive-bombing a nacho tray and the thirty-eighth mention of “post-season drought,” the Rangers and Mets reminded planet Earth that, yes, the United States still exports baseball the way it exports Marvel films and questionable foreign policy. From a café terrace in Lisbon…
The last time the world cared this much about tigers and marlins in the same breath, a Bond villain was monologuing. Yet here we are, watching the Detroit Tigers and Miami Marlins wage a proxy war over the soul of professional baseball, while the rest of the planet politely pretends to follow the score. From…
Astros vs Braves: A Global Power Outage Disguised as a Baseball Game By Diego Serrano, Dave’s Locker International Correspondent Houston, Texas – Somewhere between the first pitch and the last corporate-sponsored wave, the Astros and Braves reminded the planet that even in an age of intercontinental hypersonic missiles and algorithmic romance, two groups of overpaid…
Katya Kuropas: The Zelenskyy In-Law Who Accidentally Became Geopolitical Clickbait By Our Correspondent, somewhere between a Kyiv bunker and a Mediterranean yacht slip The world has many pressing questions—climate tipping points, supply-chain apocalypse, whether Elon Musk will eventually buy the moon—but this week the chattering classes have instead latched onto Katya Kuropas. For the uninitiated,…
