Anaconda, Darling of the Dystopian Tropics, Eyes the World Stage By L. Marlowe, Senior Correspondent for Dave’s Locker RIO DE JANEIRO—Every few years, the anaconda slithers out of the fetid Amazon and into the global imagination, reminding the planet’s apex predator—us—that we are still, technically, edible. This time the serpent’s renaissance has nothing to do…
Bishop Montgomery Football and the Decline of Western Civilization (As Viewed from 30,000 Feet) By the time the private-jet set touched down in Riyadh last week—fresh from Davos, COP 28, and a discreet stop in Davos again for good measure—news of Bishop Montgomery High’s latest gridiron triumph had already ping-ponged through the encrypted group-chats of…
Spike Lee Lands in Cannes, Reminding the Planet That America Still Can’t Sit Still By the time the Mediterranean sun had begun its daily assault on the Croisette, Spike Lee was already holding court outside the Palais, red-capped, gold-rimmed shades glinting like a warning flare. The occasion was ostensibly the Cannes premiere of his latest…
Unknown Number: The High-School Catfish Who Trolled the Planet By Our Jaded Correspondent, Currently Suffering from Déjà Vu in Three Time Zones It began, as all twenty-first-century disasters do, with a vibrating rectangle. Somewhere in the fluorescent-lit limbo of an American high school—a place that doubles as a petri dish for future congressional interns—an “unknown…
Rolling Ray, the 5-foot-tall, 300-pound viral hurricane who answers to both “Mr. Raymond” and “the wheelchair-bound chaos goblin,” has been unleashed upon a planet already wheezing from 2024’s buffet of existential hors d’oeuvres. From Lagos to Lisbon, screens flicker with the same clip: Ray, sequined durag gleaming like a disco ball that’s seen things, flipping…
Nintendo: The Last Empire Built on Joy (and 8-Bit Stockholm Syndrome) By Dave’s Locker International Desk Kyoto, Japan – While the rest of the planet rehearses its own fiery reboot via climate summits, trade wars, and algorithmic coups, a 135-year-old playing-card company quietly sells $15 billion worth of escapism every year. Nintendo, that stubbornly cheerful…
Rockstar Whispers, Planet Stops: The Global Freak-Out Over a Video-Game Launch Date By “Jet-Lagged” Javier Morales, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk Somewhere between a drought-stricken olive grove in Andalusia and a flooded subway entrance in Jakarta, the earth’s collective attention span pivoted last week to one burning question: “When does GTA 6 actually drop?”…
Bristol Weather: How a Drizzly Tuesday in the West Country Quietly Rules the World By the time the first commuter in Taipei checks the 7-day forecast on her phone, the algorithm has already chewed through 2.3 million data points from a small corrugated shed on the roof of Bristol’s Lloyds Amphitheatre. What the app politely…
Kingston, Jamaica – In the gentle Caribbean breeze that usually carries only the scent of jerk chicken and the distant bass line of a reggae riddim, something sharper is blowing this week: the metallic tang of freshly printed ballots and the unmistakable whiff of geopolitical opportunism. Jamaica’s national elections on Thursday may look, to the…
Carmelo Anthony Retires, Planet Keeps Spinning (Just Faster in Some Time Zones) By the time the news pinged phones from Lagos to Lisbon, Carmelo Anthony had already posted a sepia-toned farewell video whose background piano was so tastefully somber it could score a UN climate report. The 19-year000 veteran—who logged more frequent-flyer miles than most…
Christopher Guest, the man who taught the world that mockumentaries could be both devastatingly funny and uncomfortably accurate, has become something of a global patron saint for anyone who’s ever sat through a team-building exercise or watched a national leader try to play the ukulele on television. While his name rarely trends alongside geopolitical flashpoints,…
Horror Nights, Global Franchise of Dread, Celebrate Humanity’s Unpaid Therapy Bill by Matteo “Graveyard” Moreau, International Correspondent, somewhere between the Day of the Dead in Oaxaca and a fog-shrouded U.K. theme park If you’ve ever wondered what a billion-dollar coping mechanism looks like, buy a ticket to any Horror Night on the planet this season….
