President Nelson Dies, World Rushes to Claim the Corpse Politically: A Sardonic Global Post-Mortem
President Nelson Has Left the Building: A Farewell to the Man Who Tried to Govern the Globe By the time the official telegrams started pinging in at 03:47 GMT, half the planet was already awake doom-scrolling. President Nelson—yes, the one who once accidentally called the Swedish PM “Switzerland” during a live climate summit—has reportedly shuffled…