Guardians Standings: A Scorecard for the World’s Last Adults in the Room By Our Correspondent, Somewhere Between the 19th Hole and the Hague The phrase “Guardians standings” used to belong to sports pages—tables of batting averages and ERA, the sort of harmless numerology that lets Cleveland fans pretend Opening Day is still a national holiday….
Bill Murray: The Last Living Cultural Geneva Convention In a world where nations weaponize everything from microchips to memes, one man has achieved what the UN Security Council only dreams of: universal diplomatic immunity through sheer existential charm. Bill Murray—actor, urban legend, and walking proof that late capitalism can be outfoxed by a well-timed “no…
Project 2025: The World Watches America Draft Its Own Fan-Fic Constitution By Our Correspondent, Still Jet-Lagged from Three Continents and One Existential Crisis PARIS—In the plush backroom of a café off Rue de Rivoli, a German diplomat sips an €8 espresso and mutters, “The Americans are at it again.” He isn’t referring to the usual…
