baylor vs smu prediction
Baylor vs SMU: A Texas Tussle Watched by a World That’s Given Up on Everything Else
By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, Somewhere Over the Atlantic
DALLAS—While the Eastern Hemisphere sleeps through another night of currency collapse and the Western one rehearses its next apology for existing, roughly ninety thousand Texans will gather Saturday in a concrete spaceship called Ford Stadium to discover whether Baylor’s baptized bears can outrun SMU’s expensively absolved Methodists. Kick-off is at high noon local time—perfect for a planet that prefers its existential crises scheduled between brunch and civil unrest.
To the uninitiated, this is merely a non-conference college-football appetizer: the Baptists (Baylor) versus the Baptists-With-Better-Cocktails (SMU). To the rest of us—foreign correspondents stranded in airport lounges from Doha to Dublin—it’s the clearest diagnostic yet of late-imperial decadence. Nothing says “end of era” quite like wagering emotional capital on 18-year-olds who still think TikTok is a career path and that “geopolitics” is a new energy drink.
The Line in Vegas and the Fault Line Everywhere Else
Bookmakers opened the spread at Baylor –3.5, a margin so slim it could double as the Swiss central bank’s credibility. The number tells foreigners everything required about American equilibrium: a country unable to agree on pronouns can still achieve consensus that 3.5 points separates salvation from damnation. Across the Atlantic, European allies—fresh from discovering their gas tanks are now Kremlin subscription services—watch with envy. If only NATO cohesion could be reduced to a single digestible digit printed on a cocktail napkin.
Global Implications, or How Third-Place Finishes Became Foreign Policy
Baylor enters 1–1, having already demonstrated the bipartisan American talent for snatching moral defeat from statistical victory (see: 26–25 loss to Utah). SMU arrives undefeated, a phrase that hasn’t applied to the Mustang brand since the Reagan administration and certainly not to any G-20 economy since 2007. An SMU win would propel the Mustangs toward the College Football Playoff conversation, proving yet again that in the 21st century the fastest route to relevance is to start irrelevant, collect transfer-portal mercenaries, and rebrand faster than a Baltic state joining NATO.
For viewers in the Global South, the game offers a teachable moment: observe how swiftly the empire redirects resources. In one fiscal quarter, entire departments of philosophy are shuttered for budgetary reasons; in the next, a university casually allocates $5 million for an indoor waterfall to impress a 17-year-old edge-rusher who can’t spell “amortization” but can bench-press a Peugeot. Call it the Friedman Doctrine in shoulder pads: the invisible hand now wears a glove sponsored by a cryptocurrency exchange currently under federal indictment.
Scouting Report, or the Human Condition in Cleats
Baylor’s offense is coordinated by a man who accepted Jesus as his personal savior and the transfer portal as his personal Amazon Prime. SMU counters with a quarterback who began his career at Oklahoma, transferred to Ole Miss, and landed in Dallas—geographic shorthand for “I’ve seen things, man.” Both rosters are stocked with veterans of at least two institutions, making Saturday less a football game than a graduate seminar on labor mobility, only with concussions and no health insurance.
Prediction: Baylor 31, SMU 27
The Bears will prevail because history favors institutions capable of weaponizing guilt: Catholics invented indulgences; Baylor perfected the fourth-quarter repentance drive. Expect a back-door cover by SMU, ensuring every degenerate in Singapore still wakes up solvent, and every preacher in Waco still wakes up certain God personally cashed the over.
When the final cannon sounds, the stadium will empty into a metroplex whose downtown resembles a Bond-villain construction site—cranes everywhere, completion date never. Fans will file past homeless encampments the size of Liechtenstein, politely ignoring the unspoken truth: the only sustainable export left is the spectacle itself. Fortunately, the spectacle is undefeated. The rest of the planet, already trailing by three scores, will keep watching. After all, when your own league is on fire, it’s comforting to see someone else play overtime.
