YouTube TV: The Planet’s Couch Potato Imperialism (Dave’s Locker International Desk, 14 June 2024) From the smog-choked high-rises of Jakarta to the one-bar villages of rural Moldova, humanity has finally agreed on something: the best way to see the world is to sit perfectly still and let Google beam it into your retinas. YouTube TV—Alphabet’s…
JAMES MADISON 34, LOUISVILLE 33: A MICRO-DRAMA THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF EVERYONE JUST DRANK MORE ESPRESSO By Our Man in the Departure Lounge, Dave’s Locker Global Desk Doha airport, 03:47 local. The duty-free TVs are tuned not to Gaza, nor to the G7, but to a college football scoreboard flashing “FINAL—JAMES MADISON 34,…
Détente at 95 mph: How a Blue Jay–Yankee Grudge Match Quietly Runs the Planet By Elias Moreau, International Correspondent, Dave’s Locker TORONTO—Every August, diplomats in Geneva pretend to argue about carbon credits while the real negotiations unfold 550 kilometers northwest under retractable roofing. In Section 235 of the Rogers Centre, a man in a Che…
Dodgers vs. Orioles: When Two Coastal Elites Remind the World That Baseball Still Exists by Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk LOS ANGELES—Last night, under the same smog-filtered moon that once watched the Soviet Union collapse, the Los Angeles Dodgers politely thrashed the Baltimore Orioles 7-3. From a purely terrestrial standpoint it was an ordinary interleague matchup….
When the Earth slips between the Sun and the Moon this week, casting its ruddy shadow across our nearest celestial companion, billions of humans will stop arguing about tariffs, interest rates, and which billionaire most recently insulted which head of state. Instead, they will tilt their heads skyward like synchronized meerkats and murmur variations of…
Mets vs Reds: A Global Tragedy in Nine Innings By Paolo “Pallino” Rossi, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker Singapore bureau, 04:17 a.m. local time The first pitch in Cincinnati is scheduled for 7:10 p.m. ET, which is convenient for Manhattan traders still digesting lunch and mercifully late for Jakarta office drones already asleep. One ballgame, two…
Spring Valley Fire: A Local Blaze with Global Arsonists By “Scorched” Santiago Vega, Senior Correspondent, Dave’s Locker The first wisps of smoke rose above Spring Valley, Nevada, last Tuesday at 14:37 local time—just late enough in the day for European traders to notice the haze on their Bloomberg terminals and wonder if their algorithmic portfolios…
White Sox vs. Tigers: A Late-Night Midwestern Ballet for the Insomniac Planet By Our Man in Exile, Somewhere Over the Arctic Circle If you glanced at your phone at 3:47 a.m. local time in Jakarta, 21:17 in Buenos Aires, or any other godforsaken hour when decent folk are either asleep or pretending to be, you…
NFL Football Tonight: The American Gladiator Show That Pays for Half the World’s Cable Bill By Dave’s Locker Foreign Desk While the rest of the planet is busy arguing about tariffs, TikTok bans, and whether the North Atlantic is still a thing, tonight’s NFL game (Cowboys-Eagles, 8:15 p.m. ET for those keeping score in Zulu…
AppLovin: The Algorithmic Pied Piper of Planet Earth By Dave’s Locker Global Affairs Desk Somewhere between the fall of the Berlin Wall and the rise of TikTok dances, humanity quietly agreed to surrender its attention spans to a handful of Californian engineers with a gift for turning micro-transactions into macro-misery. Enter AppLovin, the San Francisco–based…
Hood Stock and the Global Bazaar of Rebellious Capital By G. M. Delacroix, Senior Correspondent, Somewhere over the Mid-Atlantic It began, as most modern morality tales do, on a subreddit. A horde of screen-locked millennials—armed with stimulus checks, Robinhood accounts, and the attention span of fruit flies—decided that the corner bodega could double as the…
Super Bowl LX: A Halftime Show the World Couldn’t Mute *Dispatch from the Global Nosebleed Section* If you missed the 2026 halftime spectacle, congratulations—you were probably busy dodging drone strikes, paying rent in a currency that evaporates faster than ethics on a campaign trail, or simply living somewhere the NFL’s broadcast rights haven’t yet colonized….
