Barcelona FC: The Last Empire That Still Pretends It Isn’t Falling By Our Correspondent Somewhere Between Duty-Free and Existential Dread Global capitalism has many temples: the glass cube of an Apple store in Dubai, the tax-domiciled mailbox in Delaware, the neon-lit Nike outlet on Shanghai’s Nanjing Road. Yet none do quite the same brisk trade…
Newcastle-Barcelona: The 1,800-Kilometre Tantrum That Reminds the Planet It’s Still Run by Toddlers in Blazers By Our Man in the Departure Lounge In the grand, slow-motion car crash we politely call international football, the spat currently unfolding between Newcastle United and FC Barcelona is less a sporting dispute than a morality play performed by millionaires…
COPENHAGEN — The city that gave the world existential angst, open-face sandwiches, and the paradoxical joy of paying $14 for a beer has quietly become the planet’s geopolitical mood ring. While the rest of us scroll through flaming headlines, Copenhagen keeps blinking its bike-friendly, hygge-tinted warning lights: If you want to see how the next…
Wet Britannia: When a Met Office Amber Alert Becomes a Global Schadenfreude Festival By our man in the drizzle, somewhere between a brolly and a breakdown LONDON—As the Met Office issued its latest amber warning for “persistent heavy rain” across southern England this week, the international commentariat rolled its collective eyes so hard you could…
The last time Afghanistan and Sri Lanka met on a cricket pitch, the Taliban had just finished rearranging Kabul’s interior décor, Sri Lanka’s president was busy discovering that swimming pools make poor escape routes, and the global economy was debating whether inflation was merely transitory or the new cardio. All of which is to say:…
Another Tuesday, another column of fire clawing at the sky like humanity’s collective middle finger to gravity. Today’s rocket—let’s call it the SS Bureaucratic Optimism—blasted off from Cape Canaveral at 09:47 GMT carrying a payload of 64 Starlink clones, two weather satellites nobody asked for, and, allegedly, a freeze-dried pizza for the ISS crew who’ve…
The Ballad of Martha Wainwright, or How One Contralto Became the Soundtrack to a Planet Unraveling The first time Martha Wainwright’s voice reached Ulaanbaatar, it arrived via a bootleg cassette smuggled in a yak-wool sock. The customs agent who confiscated it was later found weeping in a yurt, clutching the tape like contraband absolution. That,…
PARIS—While diplomats in Brussels were busy arguing over the precise shade of green that denotes “sustainable” natural gas, 9,317 spectators inside the Accor Arena were witnessing something genuinely renewable: a fourth-quarter Diana Taurasi tantrum so volcanic it could have been classified under the EU’s Emissions Trading Scheme. The Mercury’s 84-78 loss to the Storm was,…
BOSTON – From the banks of the Charles River, the Red Sox continue to do what every global superpower secretly envies: export a mythology so potent that even people who have never seen a baseball can hum “Sweet Caroline” after three beers in a Dublin pub. The team’s 2024 season may look, to the untrained…
The World Holds Its Breath While a Handful of People in Washington Whisper About a Number By Our Special Correspondent in the Departure Lounge of Monetary Purgatory If aliens ever bothered to tune into Earth’s financial news, they’d assume the species worships a deity known only as “the Fed.” Every six weeks, priests in business-casual…
They say a passport is just a very expensive souvenir, but try explaining that to the 1.2 billion people who don’t have one that actually works. From the maple-scented booklet in Toronto to the burgundy talisman coveted in Lagos, the modern “citizenship test” has become less a quiz on parliamentary trivia and more a global…
Spirit Airlines Flight 696, now immortalized on TikTok as “Air Force One-and-a-Half,” did not, in fact, carry any heads of state. It did, however, transport 173 passengers from Fort Lauderdale to Santo Domingo while one gentleman—let’s call him Señor Goliat, because that’s what the Dominican press insists on—attempted to storm the cockpit armed with nothing…
