Cristiano Ronaldo, or “CR7” as the marketing necromancers insist on chanting, has transcended the humble status of “footballer” and now exists somewhere between a sovereign wealth fund and a planetary brand. From the gleaming duty-free corridors of Dubai to the fluorescent aisles of a Paraguayan supermarket where his face leers from boxes of sugar-coated cereal,…
Love Island Games: Humanity’s Diplomatic Breakthrough—Or Just Another Reason to Question Evolution By [REDACTED], Senior Cynic-at-Large Dateline: Everywhere Wi-Fi still reaches It began, as most global crises now do, with a push notification: “Love Island Games is live on Peacock.” Within minutes, VPN servers from Reykjavík to Rangoon lit up like Christmas trees in a…
Norway, the postcard nation that keeps the rest of the planet honest—and slightly annoyed—about its own life choices, has quietly become the world’s moral GPS. While other countries fumble for direction, Norway just keeps recalculating, politely suggesting we take the next exit toward decency. The rest of us, naturally, ignore the instructions and end up…
Innings Festival 2026: The United States Invents a Five-Day Vacation from Reality, and the Rest of the World Watches with Envy and Mild Disgust Tempe, Arizona—While half the planet toggles between wildfire alerts and flood warnings, the United States has once again solved the global crisis of general malaise by flying in thirty-five rock bands,…
When the United States and Japan square off these days, it’s rarely on a battlefield—unless you count the fluorescent trenches of a semiconductor plant or the algorithmic no-man’s-land of a trade negotiation. Still, the world watches, popcorn in one hand, antacid in the other. Because whenever Washington and Tokyo jostle, the tectonic plates of the…
Oracle’s Q3 Earnings: A Tragicomedy Staged on Five Continents By Our Man in the Cloud If you squinted at the after-hours ticker from a bar in Singapore—or a bunker in Kyiv—you’d have seen the same blink: ORCL up 12%, then 14%, then a sheepish retreat to +11.8% once the analysts remembered how to exhale. It…
Kathmandu, Nepal – In a country where the mountains are taller than most democracies’ ambitions and the air is so thin that even political promises struggle to breathe, the Himalayan republic has once again swapped out the occupant of Baluwatar, the prime-ministerial bungalow that apparently comes with a revolving door and a six-month warranty. The…
England FC: A Tragicomic Opera Staged for the Planet’s Edification By Our Man in the Cheap Seats, somewhere over the Atlantic If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when an entire nation decides to confuse football with group therapy, tune in to England FC every other summer. The spectacle is broadcast to 195 countries—roughly…
“Economy jobs” is the polite euphemism we now use for the sort of work that keeps the planet spinning while the rest of us refresh our portfolios. From the sweat-beaded brow of a Bangladeshi fast-fashion machinist to the algorithm-tethered soul of a Berlin “gig-economy” cyclist, these are the positions that exist precisely because someone, somewhere,…
The Curious Case of Josh Giddey: When an Australian Kid Becomes a Geopolitical Basketball Somewhere between a flat white in Melbourne and a triple-shot cortado in Madrid, the NBA’s latest diplomatic incident dribbled into view. Josh Giddey—6-foot-8, passport stamped “Oz,” haircut suggesting he still cuts his own fringe—has become the league’s most improbable piece of…
World Cup Qualifiers Europe: Where National Hopes Go to Die (and Occasionally Resurrect) The biennial continental bloodletting known as the UEFA World Cup qualifiers is back, and with it the reassuring spectacle of 55 nations pretending their geopolitical relevance hinges on 22 men chasing a ball. From Reykjavik to Tbilisi, passports are brandished like swords…
Bosnia vs Austria: A Balkan Derby for the Age of Collapsing Certainties By L. V. Raković, Senior Continental Misanthrope VIENNA—When the draw spat out “Bosnia-Herzegovina vs Austria” for the Nations League fixture this week, the world’s attention pivoted—briefly—from whichever apocalypse is currently trending to a collision of two nations nobody has confused since 1914. On…
