In Houston, under a roof that cost more than the GDP of several Pacific island nations, the Astros played baseball last night. That sentence already contains enough contradictions—indoor baseball, billion-dollar air-conditioning, a sport once exported as a metaphor for American innocence now wrapped in retractable steel—to make any foreign correspondent reach for the antacid and…
Dallas, Texas— The forecast here is so cartoonishly extreme that it feels like the city is auditioning for a spot in the United Nations Climate Hall of Infamy. One day the mercury tickles 110°F (43°C), the next a derecho rewinds the thermostat to 68°F and flips every patio umbrella into low-orbit lawn art. From a…
The Curious Case of Trevor Lawrence: How a Quarterback from Cartersville, Georgia Briefly Became the UN Secretary-General of American Soft Power By the time Trevor Lawrence trotted onto the Wembley pitch last October for the Jacksonville Jaguars’ annual hostage-taking of British NFL fans, the global temperature had risen another 0.2°C, two more democracies had quietly…
The People’s Lottery: When the Whole Planet Buys the Same Ticket By Diego “Lucky” Morales, International Correspondent-at-Large, currently hiding from my bookie in Lisbon They say lotteries are taxes on people who are bad at math. If that’s true, the newly christened “People’s Lottery” is the first truly global fiscal policy—voluntary, enthusiastic, and administered not…
**The Punk Paradox: How a Chicago Loudmouth Became the World’s Most Reluctant Cultural Ambassador** In the grand theater of global entertainment, where authenticity is manufactured in boardrooms and rebellion comes with a barcode, CM Punk stands as perhaps our most delicious contradiction—a man who made a career out of telling his audience they’re idiots for…
In a world where grain freighters reroute around the Red Sea to avoid drone hobbyists and the Arctic Council meets via Zoom because the polar ice has melted too much for a physical quorum, the Denver Broncos’ freshly released 2024 schedule lands on my desk like a glossy brochure from a saner planet. It promises…
Paul Thomas Anderson: The Last American Auteur Selling Existential Dread to a Streaming Planet Byline: Dave’s Locker International Desk If you want to understand how the 21st-century world consumes anxiety, buy a ticket—assuming your local multiplex hasn’t been converted into a Bitcoin mine—to a Paul Thomas Anderson film. From the oil-slick nihilism of There Will…
Joe Burrow, Quarterback of the Free World? A dispatch from the front lines of American soft power By the time most of Europe is reaching for its second espresso, the American Midwest is already three beers deep into a Bengals Sunday. Somewhere in that amber haze, Joe Burrow—Louisiana lightning in designer sunglasses—drops back to pass,…
The Mega Millions jackpot has swollen to that cartoonish, Scrooge-McDuck-pool figure again—$1.05 billion this time, give or take a rounding error that could still buy a small Balkan republic. Somewhere in Los Angeles a single ticket is now the golden Willy Wonka wrapper for the largest U.S. lottery haul in 2024. Cue the polite international…
Leonardo DiCaprio: the last global movie star who still pretends climate change is a side gig PARIS—In a world where most screen idols have traded mystique for Instagram Q&As, Leonardo DiCaprio remains stubbornly cinematic: a man who can charter a private jet to pick up an environmental award and still be applauded for his carbon…
**Boise’s Golden Ticket: How Ashton Jeanty Became the World’s Most Overqualified Tourist Attraction** *By our correspondent who still can’t believe American football is called “football”* GENEVA—In a world where nuclear powers trade barbs on social media and central banks treat inflation like a drunk uncle at Christmas, the global economy has found its newest safe-haven…
**The Grand Illusion: Tom Brady and the Global Theater of American Exceptionalism** In the pantheon of modern deities, where cryptocurrency evangelists rub shoulders with vaccine prophets and wellness gurus, Tom Brady stands as perhaps America’s most perfectly engineered false god—a man whose greatest achievement was convincing the world that throwing an oddly-shaped ball constitutes meaningful…
